citrus

ding dong

the wind through the window turns the blades in the fan ... the motor isn't on.

peanut butter on a spoon. crunchy.
cold brown rice leftover from a thai meal.

my nose is runny. it doesn't have as much to do with the green coconut curry as it does allergies and trying to kick a cold.
i stayed home from work today. i'm going in the morning to make up for some of the boredom.

i was restless in his presence this evening and he wasn't sure how to handle it. we just sat around together, basically.
i got some stuff done.
i explained how missing someone is trying.

i "happy birthday"ed a month early. i laughed out loud when pointed out,
but that's part of what i mean about a trial.
you are always on my mind.

allison writes that neither is for me,
but we don't think it makes much difference.
maybe i'm just keeping myself busy?
bored has more to do with me than them, though.

some things change and we behave though they're catalysts.
we act out and settle in.
it's okay.
i painted my nails tonight. java mauve-a and dulce de leche.
it's more pink than it may seem.

so could anything be.

work, more work,
some social stuff and good people and good times.
some avoidance and delving into uncharted territory...
some quiet observation...

some hot water with lemon and honey.
some lady grey and oatmeal with berries.

orange sheets and shaved legs.
a phone call to make and nothing to expect.

i'm anxious. obviously.
i have dreams about what i can't even imagine as it actually is.
i find some fun in that but a setup for disappointment.
i know, i believe, i have experienced, that i make the best of what i can...
and then manifestation. it's exciting - i urge it up with my energy, i stress myself out positvely or like negative,
and pause again over and over to be here now.

messages delivered.
best for now.