The music in my heart I bore long after it was heard no more.
~ Wordsworth
a friend writes to me, hoping to make plans together once he returns to the u.s.
i saw him shortly after i returned from the city and we had pizza and wine, talked about all kinds of good stuff, i awed about his art collection.
he sent me a bunch of information for some stuff i'd questioned him about.
he tells me that he saw a happiness in my eyes regarding the direction i want my life to go, that he hadn't seen that before and it's a good thing to see.
he says there is no question that my 'revelation' has made he a happier person.
i don't know if it's the specific source he mentioned in the mail, but i certainly feel better about celebrating my own life.
and he's right. it's a good thing.
three steps forward and two steps back equals one tiny fucking step and a lot of yo-yo
alrighty then
a jar with a heavy lid[,]
she says 'forever' to light a fuse[,]
stuck, like a question, unposed
[...]
Are there really ones like these
The ones I dream(?)
[...]
Why, I wonder, is my heart full of holes
And the feeling goes but my hair keeps growing[,,,]
It's a drag I sang
I'm always in love
I'm worried
I'm always in love
[...]
It's just a dream he keeps having
And it doesnt seem to mean anything
[...]
Over and over and over again
I try to make amends
For everything Ive done wrong
My whole world just spins
Make some coffee, hold me up
Try to talk me out of giving up
I'll come back to you
It'll be brand new
But I promise
We're just friends
[...]
Who knows anything
I don't know
There are so many things
I must leave alone[,]
Can you be where you want to be?
~lyrics(manipulated), wilco
Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there.
~ Rumi
it's silly that i talk to myself for comfort -
silence and the words of others always soothe me more.
thunder and lighting
~!~
oh, eebie called.
i'm so glad! she feels my vibe four-thousand miles away.
today's entertainment was her demand that i devote my undivided attention and that if she heard me strike another key on the board she would disconnect and refuse to ever speak to me again.
i love her!
she read correspondence she'd had with her long-distance lover, insisting i share my opinion.
and then she proceeded to read an astrological analysis of my sun and moon combination, of course thinking it could solve all my problems with venus.
she's a funny girl, my eebie.
~ Wordsworth
a friend writes to me, hoping to make plans together once he returns to the u.s.
i saw him shortly after i returned from the city and we had pizza and wine, talked about all kinds of good stuff, i awed about his art collection.
he sent me a bunch of information for some stuff i'd questioned him about.
he tells me that he saw a happiness in my eyes regarding the direction i want my life to go, that he hadn't seen that before and it's a good thing to see.
he says there is no question that my 'revelation' has made he a happier person.
i don't know if it's the specific source he mentioned in the mail, but i certainly feel better about celebrating my own life.
and he's right. it's a good thing.
three steps forward and two steps back equals one tiny fucking step and a lot of yo-yo
alrighty then
a jar with a heavy lid[,]
she says 'forever' to light a fuse[,]
stuck, like a question, unposed
[...]
Are there really ones like these
The ones I dream(?)
[...]
Why, I wonder, is my heart full of holes
And the feeling goes but my hair keeps growing[,,,]
It's a drag I sang
I'm always in love
I'm worried
I'm always in love
[...]
It's just a dream he keeps having
And it doesnt seem to mean anything
[...]
Over and over and over again
I try to make amends
For everything Ive done wrong
My whole world just spins
Make some coffee, hold me up
Try to talk me out of giving up
I'll come back to you
It'll be brand new
But I promise
We're just friends
[...]
Who knows anything
I don't know
There are so many things
I must leave alone[,]
Can you be where you want to be?
~lyrics(manipulated), wilco
Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there.
~ Rumi
it's silly that i talk to myself for comfort -
silence and the words of others always soothe me more.
thunder and lighting
~!~
oh, eebie called.
i'm so glad! she feels my vibe four-thousand miles away.
today's entertainment was her demand that i devote my undivided attention and that if she heard me strike another key on the board she would disconnect and refuse to ever speak to me again.
i love her!
she read correspondence she'd had with her long-distance lover, insisting i share my opinion.
and then she proceeded to read an astrological analysis of my sun and moon combination, of course thinking it could solve all my problems with venus.
she's a funny girl, my eebie.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
The most wonderful thing about Tiggers,
is Tiggers are wonderful things.
Their tops are made out of rubber,
their bottoms are made out of springs.
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy,
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is,
I'm the only one.
Oh, III'm the only one!
Oh, the wonderful thing about Tiggers is,
Tiggers are wonderful chaps.
They're loaded with vim and vigor.
They love to leap in your lap.
They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, thumpy,
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is ...
III'm the only one!
I'm glad we got to hang out on saturday, it was alot of fun.
I look back and I see me surrounding myself with drama, almost like I'm back in high school again. So many people it seems wish they were back in high school, I'm glad to be out though. I wouldn't want to be there again. I've had my experience, and I've moved on.
I see little things like that, and I think to myself, well I've got some things I need to work on. And I tell myself, I shouldn't try to do anything like move into a relationship, until I've had time to work those out. But then I have a reality check, slap myself on the face and realize that I'm probably always going to be changing. Heraclitean flux, it's the constant of our life.
"Everything changes but change itself."
No man can step in the same rive twice. When he goes back, it's a new river, and he's a new man. Changed if by nothing else, by the fact that he has stepped in the river once already.
"There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide"
- Josh Groban, 'Let me Fall' (From Cirque De Soleil)
I was listening to that today. It reminds me of what we talked about on saturday. Fantasy Vs. Fear. It dominates us. I look back, and realize I was taught from a young age to avoid fear. When something frightened me and sent me running from the room. (Ohhh... the blob... shiver) Instead of teaching me to face it and overcome it, my parents removed it from my presence. I think it's something most parents do. But now I find things that I'm afraid of, and instead of trying to stand up to them, and conquering the fear, I run from it. I hope it will go away and I won't have to face it.
"Anything worth doing, will not be done without risk"
I keep thinking of that. And...
"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something. "
Those who have lost probably feared to, but took the risk anyway. If nothing else it is a common bond we all can share. Not quite sure how to write it but..
If you cannot find comfort in another in your loss, knowing that they too have lost.
And I'm not sure where to go from there. The idea is growing in my mind but isn't complete yet.
When a writer writes does he write for others, or does he write for himself?
It's cathartic. It seems so confusing. But I when I put it down, I can look at it. I can see all its flaws, and all it's strengths.
hmm....
In the last white wolf game I played with my best friend, (he was the storyteller)) There was a special class of spirits I dealt with. They were called the ideas given form.the IGF's. they weren't supposed to exist, they weren't there when the universe was created. But the combined strength of humanity's belief's brought them into being. They were things like numbers, ideas, like peace, joy.. and love. But love.. there was something wrong with him, he had been changed. In the beginning he was pure, but he became corrupted, because humanity's belief's of love had become corrupted. "Love is a battlefield"
It's amazing how we stress ofver such a little word.
"Most men are like me, they trouble their minds day in and day out, too busy to worry about a little thing like love."
But we obsess over it. do we overdo it sometimes. A friend of mine is getting divorced, and she's pretty upset about it. Her and her husband were getting along well. then they decided to sell their house. When they sold it and signed the paperwork. He handed her another one, the divorce. She's begging him not to do it. She doesn't want to. but it's not just her decision. So she's now looking for a place of her own to stay in, where she can walk her dog, and sit outside at night, and sip a glass of wine. she's trying not to show it, but she's pretty upset.
"Could it be that you're my forever love" how many artists sing about it? how many authors write about it. You'd think in all this time, we might have figured it out. Chocolate is chemically identical to love. So why don't we eat lots of chocolate, and be content with that?
thoughts just jumping out of my mind, I think I've lost track of what I may have wanted to talk about. But erase it, and try to post just that?
Too many good thoughts, and it's nice to let someone else read them. well... perhaps just for a little while I should just stop obsessing, though I've got a very obsessive personality.