circa_1983

I was sitting on my porch earlier today thinking.....thinking why is it so hard for myself to do and have what makes me happy. I hate the feeling of waking up each morning knowing that it's gonna be the same boring, meaningless, mundane, pointless shit I force myself to do everyday just to get by. I can't even get into the college I want to get in hoping to do something that would bring me joy. There's so much red tape and shit you have to go through with financial aid just to even have a chance to go to college. It's funny how the system works. Single teenage moms, little thug bastards, ex-cons and dropout's get sooo much help at theyre disposable as opposed to people that play it the right way, were responsible to use protection and struggle to even get a hint of help. It's like they rewards bad behavior and fuck ups. Maybe I should go rob a bank or get a girl pregnant.

Even if I was to work my ass off at work it's not to my benefit. The one that's benefiting from it is the owner. He only gives you what scraps you earned per hour. I saw this quote in a magazine the other day and it really struck me:

Is a man entitled to the sweat of his own brow?
No, says the man in Washington, it belongs to the poor.
No, says the man in the Vatican, it belongs to God.
No, says the man in the Kremlin, it belongs to everyone.
And I say, no, it belongs to you.

I just really don't know what to do. It feels like I'm at a point were I'm just gonna pop and explode. Everytime I'm here at home I just get in a bad mood. It's like I'm so mal-contempt and resentful of so many things. I hate being like this. I haven't been sober for the last 4 days, I wish I wasn't right now.

I just had to vent this small piece of my world and get it off my chest and get rid of it.

Sorry