chryssi

Its a habit that is hard to break, just like biting your nails or giving up smoking. Give it time.

Right now I am so sick of myself that I could leave. I don't deserve anything that I have. My husband my girls my life. If anyone knew how much pain I am in right now, they would be surprised. I am reallly good at hiding it. I thought that I could say no, but I can't. I want to continue this patternuntil it destroys me because that is what I feel I deserve. Unfortuntly it will destroy everyone that I love. So I don't know what to do. I just wish he would stop calling, because I cannot say no.

I`m right here mate.

Faking it to shut people up is easy, but harder in the long run.

I hope you find the courage to set them straight.

if you`re slipping back into hiding how you feel, you should at least confide in someone, maybe your hubby.

Love to you and send me a mesage if you need.

Love silvery

Thank you for your thoughts. It helps to know I can say things and have someone to understand. I wish that I could talk to my hubby, but I have so many secrets that if I stared to ask for help I would end up alone. Certain people have slipped back into my life and are again causing me to be self-destructive. I cannot seem to fing the strength to fight it off, or sometimes I think that I look for it because of an underline feeling of feeling worthless.

I thought I had gotten through these feelings when I finally confronted and resolved my sexual abuse. I thought that was what was behind my actions. But I feel like I am still trying to recreate the abuse. I am so tired of this pity party I keep having for myself. It seems that I don't know how to be anything but depressed. I have lived this way for so long that it is easy and comfortable. Like a warm blanket to protect me from the cold. But the blanket is full of poison. This is crazy, but I'm going to post it anyway. It is how I feel right now, but I am sure it will fade as the goes on.

Thak you Silvery, and I am glad that I could help you feel better to. Anytime you need a lift let me know.

Chryssi

I saw your post in the New Orleans group looking for a photograpgher. Are you trying to become an SG?

I'm not sure yet, but I would like to have some photos taken to see how they would look.
I think it would be a very different and exciting thing to try. I am not at all
the kinda of person to do something like this, but when I seen the pics that are posted I am very drawn to the artistry and would like to try it. Thanks for the interest.

Sad day for the world. Will we know the full results in our lifetime?

Glad you liked the pics

Will we know the full results of this tragedy in our life time? I don't think so. I think it will be another 50 years before we really understand if then. Only when they decide to let out the secrets will we know why it happened and why it wasn't prevented. We can only do our best to love each other without thinking of where we are from, what we look like, who we worship, and learn tolerence for things we do not understand. Ignorance breeds fear.

Very happy for you mate.

I have a magnolia tree in my garden

1200 year old trees just boggle the mind

Very lovely entry.

So glad things are going smoothly.

Peace and love

b.

Very happy for you sweetie.

And Happy Birthday!

All the best mate!

when I am like that I try to write myself out of it anyways. Writing usually helps me in any type of mood.

Thanks, you're right it does help. Thanks for listening.