christoscamaro

A lot of us guys like to use sound effects when we perform an action. Say, grabbing a bottle of beer from someone, we may make a martial arts whoosh! sound effect.

Because it makes us awesome when we do that.

Elmer Fudd eventually shot Bugs Bunny. After a few days, he kind of felt bad about it. Because he was out of rabbit stew by then.

If you're going to tell someone you love them, make sure it isn't to a gas pump, and that you're really drunk right now, at a gas station.

When i was a kid, i'd turn off the lights and race the light and jump into bed.

I was convinced that i could run faster than light, because the tungsten element in the bulb still cooled down for a few seconds.

Being a kid is awesome.

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Live with other people? Buy all new toothbrushes, all the same color and brand.

Then replace all...
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I want to be a monster truck, because running over cars would be fun.

Keanu Reeves hates it when people walk up to him and say, woah!

I often wonder, "what the hell just happened?", when i wake up naked in a dumpster.

I keep a cat in a fishtank, since i don't think it should just be for fish. That's racist!

The next time you shop for something and they tell you to have a nice day, tell them, "no"

Then make sure the rest of your day is horrible, out of spite.

Being a bird is all fun and games until you fly into a window. What just happened? That hurt!