christoscamaro

Next time you go over to someone's house, find all of the mirrors and compliment them to your host, while you grin and give yourself a thumbs up.

I hate it when I wake up thirsty and my water bottle is empty. I feel like a mummy crawling in the desert at noon.

Sometimes I worry someone will find me dead, half off of my bed clutching a empty water bottle.

Cause of death: Turned into mummy.

Legos are pretty awesome, until you accidentally step on one while barefoot.

Met a cute chick in the park earlier today. Chatted with her for a few minutes, but she never responded to anything that I said. Then, she picked up a twig with her beak and flew up into a tree.

Someone should make me a wallet that just says, NO! in big letters on it. As a way to remind myself to save money. That way when I go to purchase something I don't really need, I can ignore what my stupid wallet is saying since this thing i'm going to buy is totally worth it!

Carrying around a small bag of gummy candy can be fun. Just hop on a bus in the morning, then yawn really loudly. When other people yawn, try 3-pointing candy into their mouth! Suddenly morning isn't so boring. Extra points for a slam dunk!

Humming birds are pretty tiny. Though, also dangerous. One flew around me for a while and hovered perfectly still in the air. As if to say, bitch, I used to be a dinosaur! Check this shit out! Then flew into a 747's jet engine and crashed the plane.

Well, actually it just flew off after a while, but you have to admit that would be...
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What happens if Jesus comes back, and decides he's Muslim?

It's funny how people get a dog, then say he/she protects the house.

Um, i'm pretty sure if I broke in and got barked at for a while, if I stuck out my hand and then pet your dog, we'd become friends and then your traitor dog would lead me to where you keep the dog treats.

Get a wheelchair, then roll yourself around with it. The best timing for this is when a friend is moving and asks for help. Show up, then tell them they can put boxes on your crippled, useless legs and then burst into tears.

Then you can go home guilt free!