Wednesday Jun 06, 2012

0
You know how in the Yakuza, if you are dishonored you have to cut off your own pinky finger?

Marriage should be like that! Instead of rings, you cut off your own pinkies! I think this may make some people think twice instead of jumping the gun.

Tuesday Jun 05, 2012

0
Chewbacca shaved himself bare once. It was pretty awkward on the millennium falcon while that was going on.

Tuesday Jun 05, 2012

0

There is no Miracle in Miracle whip. It's just a poor substitution for real mayonnaise.

They should re-name it, Tasteless white sandwich lube or something.

Tuesday Jun 05, 2012

0

If you get diarrhea on the international space station, everybody is going to have a bad time.

Saturday Jun 02, 2012

0

When I found out Bacon bits were made from soybeans, I felt cheated.

Now I just sprinkle them on my bacon since it makes it more healthy.

Saturday Jun 02, 2012

0
Why didn't Helium bow to Neon?

Because they were both nobles.

Saturday Jun 02, 2012

0

It's exciting being a pirate when you get your first peg-leg.

Just tell people a cannon shot it off. Since that's pretty badass.

Saturday Jun 02, 2012

0
Parks need to replace their water fountains with vodka fountains.

This way going to the park is way more fun.

Tuesday Apr 24, 2012

0
Bet whoever discovered beer, threw up a lot of beer that next morning.

Tuesday Apr 24, 2012

0
When someone asks me to help them with their computer, I put their mouse on the ground and push the buttons with my toes.

You need more internets, this will cost you thousands!

Wanna guess who doesn't often do free tech work anymore?

Monday Apr 23, 2012

0

Lonely? Write up a short Friend Application form and hand it out to random people.

The fun part of this is writing denial letters.

Monday Apr 23, 2012

0
It's a good thing the USA landed on the moon when they did. If we just landed there today, the first words uttered on the moon would have been, Woo hoo! We're on the moon bitch!

Then we would have tried to light off fireworks.
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