God guys...30 comments...you are all so fucking sweet to give a shit about my breakup. Who knew that a bunch of Internet perverts were so fucking considerate and caring??
I did...
And I love you all for it.
So, since I am still reeling from this "news", I have a license to be an asshole for a little bit. Give me a break and let me get some of my confidence back, even if it means sounding conceited.
You dumb ex-boyfriend you, good luck finding someone else like me. Good luck finding another girl who:
1.Likes crazy metalcore stuff like Killswitch Engage, Pantera and Shadows Fall, girly fag pop like the START and the Smiths, 80's sleaze like Motley Crue and just plain weirdness like Mindless Self Indulgence.
2.Cooks really fucking good and randomly bakes yummy-ass pastries for you,her friends and family.
3.Plays guitar, sings and acts in stage plays.
4.Listens to music really loud in her car so you can hear her crazy ass driving down the street to come see you.
5.Loves porn and buys all kinds of kick-ass adult movies for you for no reason.
6.Is pretty damn intelligent- reads books for pleasure (and literature, not romance novels), gets a 3.85 GPA and knows what's going on in the world.
7.Loves piercing and tattoosmore than a fairy on your ankle and a belly button piercing.
8.Is totally open to new sexual positionsideasetc. without thinking you're a weirdo and is willing to try everything at least once.
9.Is a member of SuicideGirls.com
10.Will never make you watch a chick flick because she hates them also. She'd rather see the craziest, goriest horror movie out there or the most obscure independent film that you have to drive through 8 cities to go the theater, but then it's the best damn thing you have ever seen.
11.Actually likes giving you head and will drive to your house just to wake you up with a good morning blowjob
12.Would never yell at you or put you down in front of people. She'd at least wait until you got in the car-then she'd tear you a new one.
13.Will back your ass up to no end. She won't stand for any smack-talking or monkey business from anyone that doesn't like you. She loves like a lion and kills those who fuck with her kin.
14.Doesn't care if you hang out with your friends. Go ahead, she's hanging with her bros (male and female) anyway.
15.Keeps herself in shape and looking good. Yeah, maybe she takes a while to put on her makeup, but damn she looks fine!
16.Doesn't have lame petty friends who try to turn her against you because they are miserable and hate to see other people happy.
17. Will give you awesome backrubs right after you come so you practically fall asleep drooling on your arm.
...amongst other things that I am too tired to type up...
Things I am going to do, now due to the fact that I am a free agent.
1.Start a new band. I never had time before but I sure do now!
2.Get the rest of my piercings (other nostril, tongue, stretch earlobes, nipples).
3.Hang out more with certain badass people I have met here on SG (you know who you are). I'll also try rekindle some old friendships that fizzled out over time. And meet some more new kids too (young AND old).
4.Act in more of the college's plays.
I know you better than everyone else. You WILL eventually realize that I was the best thing that happened to you. And you will want to get back with me. Oh boy, will you have to jump through hoops and ladders to even have me consider it. Punch yourself in the balls, get me backstage passes to a kSe/NIN/HIM/Glassjaw concert, run 394840 miles and MAYBE I'll pencil you in. Maybe not...Maybe I'll realize that I am much happier without you and say NO- then you're fucked. In the meantime, don't fucking call me like nothing ever happened to tell me about the guy you started jamming with. I don't care and just leave my phone lines open so I can talk to people that care about me and won't hurt me like you did.
It's funny to quote No Doubt, but Gwen nailed it on the head when she said on "Happy Now"-
"If you feel you just might want me
That's too bad, I'm not that easy".
Living well is the best revenge, you heart-breaking bastard.
Fuck you.
I did...
And I love you all for it.
So, since I am still reeling from this "news", I have a license to be an asshole for a little bit. Give me a break and let me get some of my confidence back, even if it means sounding conceited.
You dumb ex-boyfriend you, good luck finding someone else like me. Good luck finding another girl who:
1.Likes crazy metalcore stuff like Killswitch Engage, Pantera and Shadows Fall, girly fag pop like the START and the Smiths, 80's sleaze like Motley Crue and just plain weirdness like Mindless Self Indulgence.
2.Cooks really fucking good and randomly bakes yummy-ass pastries for you,her friends and family.
3.Plays guitar, sings and acts in stage plays.
4.Listens to music really loud in her car so you can hear her crazy ass driving down the street to come see you.
5.Loves porn and buys all kinds of kick-ass adult movies for you for no reason.
6.Is pretty damn intelligent- reads books for pleasure (and literature, not romance novels), gets a 3.85 GPA and knows what's going on in the world.
7.Loves piercing and tattoosmore than a fairy on your ankle and a belly button piercing.
8.Is totally open to new sexual positionsideasetc. without thinking you're a weirdo and is willing to try everything at least once.
9.Is a member of SuicideGirls.com
10.Will never make you watch a chick flick because she hates them also. She'd rather see the craziest, goriest horror movie out there or the most obscure independent film that you have to drive through 8 cities to go the theater, but then it's the best damn thing you have ever seen.
11.Actually likes giving you head and will drive to your house just to wake you up with a good morning blowjob
12.Would never yell at you or put you down in front of people. She'd at least wait until you got in the car-then she'd tear you a new one.
13.Will back your ass up to no end. She won't stand for any smack-talking or monkey business from anyone that doesn't like you. She loves like a lion and kills those who fuck with her kin.
14.Doesn't care if you hang out with your friends. Go ahead, she's hanging with her bros (male and female) anyway.
15.Keeps herself in shape and looking good. Yeah, maybe she takes a while to put on her makeup, but damn she looks fine!
16.Doesn't have lame petty friends who try to turn her against you because they are miserable and hate to see other people happy.
17. Will give you awesome backrubs right after you come so you practically fall asleep drooling on your arm.
...amongst other things that I am too tired to type up...
Things I am going to do, now due to the fact that I am a free agent.
1.Start a new band. I never had time before but I sure do now!
2.Get the rest of my piercings (other nostril, tongue, stretch earlobes, nipples).
3.Hang out more with certain badass people I have met here on SG (you know who you are). I'll also try rekindle some old friendships that fizzled out over time. And meet some more new kids too (young AND old).
4.Act in more of the college's plays.
I know you better than everyone else. You WILL eventually realize that I was the best thing that happened to you. And you will want to get back with me. Oh boy, will you have to jump through hoops and ladders to even have me consider it. Punch yourself in the balls, get me backstage passes to a kSe/NIN/HIM/Glassjaw concert, run 394840 miles and MAYBE I'll pencil you in. Maybe not...Maybe I'll realize that I am much happier without you and say NO- then you're fucked. In the meantime, don't fucking call me like nothing ever happened to tell me about the guy you started jamming with. I don't care and just leave my phone lines open so I can talk to people that care about me and won't hurt me like you did.
It's funny to quote No Doubt, but Gwen nailed it on the head when she said on "Happy Now"-
"If you feel you just might want me
That's too bad, I'm not that easy".
Living well is the best revenge, you heart-breaking bastard.
Fuck you.
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
you kick ass like no other you fucking fucker