chi

Went to the doctors today and forgot to ask about depression. I was late so I had to re-schedual with a different MD. Just didnt feel right, ill schedual 2nd appt with my PCP at a later date.

Things seem to be getting worse on other factors, really starting to bum me out to no end. I dont know what to do, other then getting a car. Seems like something deeper and Im so messed up.

Chopped all my hair off and dyed it black again. I usually cut my hair when im stressed, helps me out a lot. Like im shedding something of me, relieving stress of sorts. It helped for a day or to, but now...as things progress...looks like its going to get shorter...(hypothetically thinking)

Saw my baby today. Candace and Nathan came down and we chilled down at Hermosa for most of the day. Then we went a relived highschool for a bit. Went and paid a nice visit to an old School Aid from Jr. High that Candace had kept in touch with..shes a cool chicky. Her daughted has a little boy, 15 months how is sooo adorable. Curley brown hair and cute tan skin...Nathan has a new playmate...he's happy.

I dont know...I know I need and want to get my life together, but it just seems so out of reach. Theres no many opsticals in my way, but I think im putting them there for myself...im fucking scared. But I want to so this so bad...I want to do so much more for myself...I have so much potential that I just waste and do nothing with. That doesnt sound self-centered does it? I dont think so...I just fucking sick of feeling this way. Feeling stuck in a place and having nothing more to be able to do...cause theres so much more that I yearn for........