I'm sad. I don't usually share the personal stuff on the internet. Thats not what it's for and I'm not one to whine but I feel terrible and I don't know why.
I feel ugly. I'm so short and i'm not traditionally pretty. I'd never make it as a real model. I don't even have a figure. I'm built like a pencil. I know i'll get over it and get my confidence back tomorrow but in the mean time... I hate nights like this.
The boy is being a dick lately. Which wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't so unusual. He's such a sweet guy and he treats me like a queen but sometimes he just... takes me for granted. I'm not a girly girl, I can hang out with the guys and not get my feelings hurt, but when i'm feeling as shity as I feel today i'm not so thick skinned. He was sitting there talking about celebrities he thinks are pretty and they're all these tall, voluptous, beautiful women. It just makes me feel so.. plain.
It's like bieng in high school all over again and hiding behind my hair and a giant teeshirt.
All the insecurity is made worse by my mom situation. Long story short- My sister and I lived in Austin for 2 years. We drank alot, partied alot, and racked up a lot of debt. When It got bad I came home to Houston to pay off my cards and start over. My sister didn't. She has left my mom with student loans and debt with interest that amounts to almost 60k. She refuses to move home, help mom pay the bills or do anything to help at all.
Needless to say, my mother feels betrayed, she's miserable, she doesn't have the money. I don't have any way to help her other than taking care of my portion, which is almost paid off.
I'm worried about what will happen to her when i leave in 5 months. I'm worried that things won't work out when I move in with him. I'm worried that I won't be able to carry a site. I'm worried about money.
In short. I need a drink.
I feel ugly. I'm so short and i'm not traditionally pretty. I'd never make it as a real model. I don't even have a figure. I'm built like a pencil. I know i'll get over it and get my confidence back tomorrow but in the mean time... I hate nights like this.
The boy is being a dick lately. Which wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't so unusual. He's such a sweet guy and he treats me like a queen but sometimes he just... takes me for granted. I'm not a girly girl, I can hang out with the guys and not get my feelings hurt, but when i'm feeling as shity as I feel today i'm not so thick skinned. He was sitting there talking about celebrities he thinks are pretty and they're all these tall, voluptous, beautiful women. It just makes me feel so.. plain.
It's like bieng in high school all over again and hiding behind my hair and a giant teeshirt.
All the insecurity is made worse by my mom situation. Long story short- My sister and I lived in Austin for 2 years. We drank alot, partied alot, and racked up a lot of debt. When It got bad I came home to Houston to pay off my cards and start over. My sister didn't. She has left my mom with student loans and debt with interest that amounts to almost 60k. She refuses to move home, help mom pay the bills or do anything to help at all.
Needless to say, my mother feels betrayed, she's miserable, she doesn't have the money. I don't have any way to help her other than taking care of my portion, which is almost paid off.
I'm worried about what will happen to her when i leave in 5 months. I'm worried that things won't work out when I move in with him. I'm worried that I won't be able to carry a site. I'm worried about money.
In short. I need a drink.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
This is only a theory and I havet had a chance to try it yet. I think a good test might be to take two long weekends. With the first, do something he loves but you dont like to do. The second weekend, do the opposite. I think it would demonstrate each persons level of maturity and willingness to compromise, and how much they are willing to put the other persons interests ahead of their own. I'm not saying this would tell you much about what life would be like living with the other person so much as this might be a way to learn a great deal about each other that you might otherwise not have already discovered.
And please don't forget the sunscreen! You may think this is silly, but it is very insightful.