Feeling a little down right now right now has my favorite uncle just passed yesterday morning, he was a very kind and gentle man (special needs , autism ) and lived a full life (he was 87). I did not see much of him the passed decade as he was always on the go and did not like to interrupted in the tasked at hand but always was happy to see me for a minute or two. I have a 20 yr old son with autism and seeing my uncle always gave me hope for my sons happiness when my ex and I are gone. I got the news at work just before the start of the Thursday lunch rush (I am a cook) and just barely held off the tears but now I can not cry and I really want to.
Second thought going threw my head right now is that I wish I had someone in my life to comfort me but I have been single now for a couple of yrs and just to old for random hook ups but boy I could use the company/comfort right now. I miss the hand to hold the shoulder to lean on and the soft warm body in bed to ... well you know.
But life goes on so tomorrow I will go pay my respects and Monday is the funeral, the sad thing in all this is he was one of the only decent family members left and I will have to keep my mouth shut at the funeral as my older brother and family will be there and he is one of the biggest pieces of shit in the world and if my mother is there my other uncle will throw her out of the church (she is the evil ex-wife of my late father and hated by my uncle's family but loves to play the victim and cause all kinds of shit at these occasions ).
My children may or may not come, they are grownups now so make make their own choices and that side of the family has never been close to us but it just makes me think how sad life can be when brother & sisters , aunts and uncles, mother and children dislike /hate each other. thank God my ex's family is normal and very close.
But in the end I am left thinking of all the lost years and the loneliness I have inside.
Well I guess it is time for another beer and time to move forward and not back
