cheech

I mentioned Douglas Adams; I've meant to include some of his dictionary, The Meaning of Liff, co-written with John Lloyd. At one point, they were actually planning a TV show based around these made-up definitions to attach to otherwise-unused place names.

I know folks don't normally read long Journals, but please read the following definitions I've selected, as they're ones I relate to very strongly, some which describe sensations/ occurrences that I have every single week, particularly the last six on the list.
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AINSWORTH (n.) The length of time it takes to get served in a camera shop. Hence, also, how long we will have to wait for the abolition of income tax or the Second Coming.

AMERSHAM (n.) The sneeze which tickles but never comes. (Thought to derive from the Metropolitan Line tube station of the same name where the rails always rattle but the train never arrives.)

BOTLEY (n.) The prominent stain on a man's trouser crotch seen on his return from the lavatory. A botley proper is caused by an accident with the push taps, and should not be confused with any stain caused by insufficient waggling of the willy. (see- Piddletrenthide; Wimbledon)

CLATHY (adj.) Nervously indecisive about how safely to dispose of a dud lightbulb.

DITTISHAM (n.) Any music you hear on the radio to which you have to listen very carefully to determine whether it is an advertising jingle or a bona fide record. (Cheech addendum- also [this happened to me last week], when you hear a voice answer on a business phone and its such a perfect, cheery-yet-genuine-emotionally-bankrupt voice, that you cant tell until it finishes whether its a recording or a live human.)

DOBWALLS (pl.n.) The now hard-boiled bits of nastiness which have to be pried off crockery by hand after it has been through a dishwasher.

DUNGENESS (n.) The uneasy feeling that the plastic handles of the overloaded supermarket carrier bag you are carrying are getting steadily longer.

FARNHAM (n.) The feeling you get about four o'clock in the afternoon when you haven't got enough done.

FIUNARY (n.) The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.

GOOSNARGH (n.) Something left over from preparing or eating a meal, which you store in the fridge despite the fact that you know full well you will never ever use it. (see next entry)

HIGH OFFLEY (n.) Goosnargh (q.v.), three weeks later.

PAPCASTLE (n.) Something drawn or modelled by a small child which you are supposed to know what it is.

PIDDLETRENTHIDE (n.) A trouser stain caused by a wimbledon (q.v.). Not to be confused with a botley (q.v.)

SCOSTHROP (vb.) To make vague opening or cutting movements with the hands when wandering about looking for a tin opener, scissors, etc. in the hope that this will help in some way. (Cheech addendum- Ive done the summoning-lost-pen-via-writing-with-imaginary-pen thing at least twice in the last week.)

SHOEBURYNESS (abs.n.) The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.

SITTINGBOURNE (n.) One of those conversations where both people are waiting for the other one to shut up so they can get on with their bit.

WIMBLEDON (n.) That last drop which, no matter how much you shake it, always goes down your trouser leg.

WOOLFARDISHWORTHY (n.) A mumbled, mispronounced or mis-heard word in a song, speech or play. Derived from the well-known mumbles passage in Hamlet : '...and the spurns... That patient merit of the unworthy takes when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin? Who woolfardisworthy to grunt and sweat under a weary life?'