cheech

I always feel weird.. what I'm driving is truly irrelevant.

Thanks for the Holy Mountain DVD tips.. it's so hard to decide.

Don Cherry rocks my world...

And god, sweet god, I want the Tingler... it's like sex man.. oh yeah..

So, you asked whether I "lament that porn is sorta not-loving-the-whole-person, that it's shallow? Or is it something more repressive?"
You know, that's very well put, the former. I do lament that! But I also feel like -- I don't know, like there's something more repressed going on with me... At some point I must have learned not to discuss sex or anything relating in any way to sex in front of "polite company."

I once did some work casting a non-porn (stupid comedy thing) for some guys who were actually making, selling and distributing porn (in the San Fernando Valley, of course), and that was... odd! I kept thinking... "how can you people do this? Do your parents know?" Not that I didn't walk home with samples from their phenomenally well-stocked warehouse, cuz I did. And these guys WERE shallow. Incredibly shallow. Their sense of humor was generally on par with that of the average 14-year-old.

But... I don't know whether I'm really answering your question or if I can.

I think I'm just... painfully American when it comes to pornography. It's like my superego kicks in with a vengeance when I even consider pornography, like there are angry nuns in my head just waiting for an excuse to whip out the pain sticks. But it really depends on whom I'm with. I can joke about sex or pornography with guys my own age to no end. But it's rare that I can do the same around women, and anyone younger than 24 or older than 60. Go figure.

I think MacBastard put it best when he read my last journal entry and responded with "YOU REPRESSED SADSACK!" (Love that guy. He's painfully funny.) I don't think I'm really all that repressed or I wouldn't be here. But I definitely have some very repressing bones in my body. I wouldn't tell just anyone about SG or my membership in it, for example.

Here's a thought I'm sure you've heard, tho: I think shame is an incredibly important, and useful thing. Shame is not just a defining aspect of the human experience, it also makes so many things so much more pleasurable. Some things wouldn't be nearly as fun to "get away with" if they weren't shameful, or considered shameful by authority figures. For example, I firmly believe in the legalization (and regulation) of all drugs with the exception of pot. Because if pot were legal, it wouldn't be half as much fun to smoke it on the rare occasion that I do!

So... I dunno. Does that help?

Peace