Let me start by saying I’m huge into genealogy. I feel you can’t understand where you going if you don’t understand where you came from. My family was one of the first main established families in wales. We come have rich warrior stock in it blood. And bound to them kings as well. That’s what the crown like collar on the lions neck means. I’m doing more research I’ve found that we were among the first group of settlers that came to the states. We were among the first to my home area. We have a large amount of soldiers and those that died in combat. Several of them protecting others before death. In doing the research you realise that almost none of the men in my family died happy. They died broken men, husks of what they were in life. Be it physically broken, mentally, or emotionally. Then you realise that this feeling you’ve always had that it’s your responsibility to forego your own happiness and protect those around you at all cost. That you know at the end of the day you’d rather die being the shield that protects those that need it. Isn’t just a feeling of being a good person but rather a family legacy. That your family is so engulfed in being from warrior blood that if you aren’t protecting other and taken their pain and responsibilities on your shoulders that you feel useless and empty. Your want and need to help anyone and everyone that you don’t even know is something that is etched into your DNA. That you feel like a husk when you aren’t carrying other burdens and never willing to give yours to other. Is something that literally generations of fathers, grandfathers, brothers, and sons have done that it stopped being a generational curse and a way of life. This has helped me realise that at the end of my days. I won’t get my happy ending and it’s fine. I guess it’s probably a good thing I don’t have children to pass this on too. Maybe I can help break a spoke in the wheel of fate.