Here I am on my 32 birthday alone which let’s face friends isn’t unusual. I know I seem to complain a lot on here. Then again this is the only place where I can seem borderline anonymous because I’m not personal friends with anyone on here. So I feel it’s a safe place to properly vent without judgement. That and I personally love the support I get from you lovely people it makes me feel 1000 times better. So I know I’ve talked about my severe emotional detachment disorder on here before. Something that usually doesn’t bother me. Lataley seeing all my friends most of which are younger then me get married, have kids, be in happy couples. Well it’s starting to get to me and really sink in that my EDD is for lack of better terms is going to kill me (no I’m not suicidal). I long to be in a committed relationship with another person. I long to hold someone close at night and do romantic things for them. However in my 32 years here 25 of which I’ve been severely emotional detached. I’ve learned I’m incapable of feeling romantic love. I know what you’re thinking Charles, how can you do romantic things if you can’t feel romantic love? That easy romance is something that is easily copied without attaching emotions to them. Just ask any edd hardy wearing collar popping frat douché prototype or serial killer. It’s because I can’t feel I don’t get into relationships anymore. Simply because I don’t want someone to fall for me and me not being able to return their feelings. That’s not fair to my respected partner. I’m afraid to hurt another people but not being able to feel like they do and lead them on. This often leads me to feeling like I’m not good enough anyone. With not feeling good it pushes me away from people and has hurt my friendships. This vicious cycle is something I’m trying to stop but unsure how. Counselling seems to make it worse.
