charlize

Wow...I should have gone to bed already. I get on this site and never leave! I went back to work today for the first time in 6 weeks. I get to play receptionist now. That basically means that I don't have to do much. Somehow, it still taps all my energy and intensifies the pain. My co-workers were way happier to see me than I thought they would be! I didn't tell my boss the truth about my condition. I need to, but I just am resisting more surgery. I don't want more. The last one was so awful; I never want to go through that again, EVER! On the other hand, if any of the ligaments I currently have break I could die. Quite a toss up, if you ask me.

I kissed and made up with both my friends! The one I was trying to applogize to finally gave in. I was trying to avoid telling her I was unhealthy because I wanted her to know that the apology was genuine and not just because my life turned to shit. I would have called sooner if that was the case. My health started to get out of control in July...the same month I stopped talking to her. I would have called sooner if I knew I had her number. I deleted it from my phone because I was sooooo pissed at the time. Ugh, overly emotional and irrational thing to do. The beginning of November I started having dreams about her. I kept dreaming that she was in pain. I can't bare anyone I love to be in pain. I had recurring dreams about her and it was driving me crazy because I knew she was hurt. One night I decided to look through everything in my phone, just in case. I had missed one text message that was in my archives. I called her immediately. Turns out she did go through something shitty in November. I feel bad that I wasn't there, but I am glad that she forgave me. She is like family to me. I can't believe I would've ever tried to cut her out of my life.

Not only that, but when I told her what I have been going through she was so concerned. She listened more intently to than anyone I can think of. And she was filled with empathy. Her mom has some really similar problems as me, so I think she understands better what I am going through than others. It was almost surreal seeing her again.

My other friend called and apologized last night. I can't ever stay angry, so obviously I am not mad anymore.

Also, I met a boy. He seems nice. I like him. Shitty situation I am in to meet someone new. I went out with him on Saturday. First time I had done something recreational in...God who knows! I had so much fun. The next day I thought I was going to die from the pain. Hm, I hope he doesn't read this. I don't want him to feel bad because it was worth it! Plus, he was super respectful. Fortunately or unfortunately, that is the best way to my heart. I'm scared!