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charitee

Member Since 2004

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Monday Jun 14, 2004

Jun 14, 2004
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And they sleep.

Have you ever watched a child sleep? The expressions they make do nothing if not completely amaze me.

Cameron is cuddled in a corner of his bed with a smile on his face, proper as ever and dreaming I'm sure.
Kendrick is sprawled out, surrounded by stuffed animals, arms up over his head, eyes fluttering, drooling.
Christian is passed out on the floor, wrapped up in his blanket like a bug in a rug, literally laughing out loud in his sleep.

In the quiet of the house I can sit and ponder what it is to be their mother (and step mother as it were).

I never wanted children. Having been raised until the age of 13 by a woman that would have forgetten I was breathing if I didn't constantly remind her, I never thought I could be a good mother. Sometimes I don't think I am, but they love me anyway.

I have done nothing in my life to deserve them. Nothing. I was not a good kid, I was a shitty teenager, I was a bitch in my early 20's and a bigger bitch in my later 20's. I fail at 90% of what I do, but not being a mom. I don't know why or what I did to deserve it but they really do love me.

Tonight I'll to bed secure in the knowledge that my children sleep without fear, my husband has all three of his children in his home and I am loved.

Good night my darlings, sleep tight, sweet dreams and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
the_gentleman:
...You deserve the kids not because you earned them in anyway (don't take that the wrong way...it's not meant to be mean)...No one ever earns kids...You deserve the kids because you deserve to be that happy. Because no matter what, like you've said, they will love you. And you will love them...You deserve each other no matter what you are or what you think you're meant to be. You are a mom, not because it's in your programming, but because it's in your heart...

I hope one day to know what it feels like to be a dad...Cause I have a feeling it's going to be the best thing I'll ever feel.
Jun 15, 2004
l_f:
Dearest,

Don't complain. Do you know how difficult (rather, improbable) is to find actual love ? Once we are, we do not go through the question `Why ?' - It is forbidden ! eeek

(Zip, skip this line. wink ) And I see plenty of reasons to love you. kiss

It seems to me that, usually, a person who had bad parents or guardians either continue their vicious cycles, or care a lot for her or his kids because they know what they missed (and are often afraid that is their fault.) As you are not in the former situation, bingo ! wink

Cheers,

Lord_Frous
Jun 15, 2004

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