chaosmachine

I am so immature emotionally, I cannot attach to anyone even my parents. I feel cold dead inside. Like i cannot empathize with anyone. Life is numb to me sometimes, emotionally i cannot bridge the gap to anyone. I just broke up wiith the most worthwhile girlfriend of my life. Why, you may ask,...good question, I canonly say that i failed to attach to her emotionally, godamn it, it's so fucked she was great to me, pretty, funny understandind, faithful, sweet, loved tog o shooting, had fun drinking and chilling with friends. Everything i liked in her is still there, but something inisde feels dried up and dead, withered like an old vine. I felt such apathy and depression this year,. She made me smile, happy and it waas great, but i can't be with ehr long term I can't give her that I don't know why i just know that in my heart it was going to be bad. I feeel like total shit and i deserve to be broken hearted like she is. It's not fair for her, she deserves so muich. I failed , i have no opeing to my commitment or heart. Locked away in the depths of apathetic depressional self loathing. I don't know why i don't know why i don't