i know the guilt thing, all too well...
and i haven't been eating as much as i should lately.
it's getting to the point where i don't want to eat.
i'm so worried what will happen.
i'm still a healthy weight. i haven't been working out or anything, too much at least...just abs. and that isnt often...
but, i mean...i sit here, all day or get up and clean or whatever. and i havent been eating much of anything
example, i've had 2 mini-snickers bars on my desk for over a week until i was like. i should really eat one and when i went to, i wanted to give it to my son, cause all i could imagine was myself getting fat. i didn't want to eat the things cause these little candy bars, that arent even longer than my pinky are going to make me fat.
it seems so ridiculous.
i've been trying to eat and all, but i dont know...i forget
i usually wont eat for up to 8hrs after i wake up...sometimes more, sometimes less.
i also caught myself yesterday...i would sneak a bite of meat, chew it up, grab a paper towel and spit it out.
my mom's fiance got food ready and i walked by it. i made cookies instead. which i ate 4 or 5 of, in total. and other than that, i think all i ate yesterday was a bowl of soup, some devilled eggs, and had a few cups of tea.
i dont remember if i ate anything else. adrian would know better. he always makes sure i eat, cause he knows i will just forget. i wish he was here, with me, so he could help me more.
it's just so weird...
it's turning into, everyday...don't eat all day, mini binge for dinner and then wanting to kick myself
i'm not eating too much for the binge, but it's still more than i should at one sitting.
i have no idea what my calorie intake is. i never monitored it.
i want to start working out...i have a treadmill downstairs, but i cant motivate my fatass. i think it's just that i don't want to miss adrian more, since i can only talk to him through the computer. i don't know.
it's just frustrating
i dont wanna weigh myself
i dont want to know the number, cause i will see it and be like...i know i havent been eating well. and yet, i gained a lb or...i'm the same weight
and yea, for my friends who don't know. i have problems w bulimia, but i haven't done so for quite a while...and now it seems like it has slipped over into anorexia-type territory. i don't know why i do this to myself.
on an equally poop note
my mom is still in the hospital
i dont even know how long it's been now. 2 or 3wks.
they think they located a virus in her colon. they are treating her to the best of their knowledge, but they still arent sure
and i haven't been eating as much as i should lately.
it's getting to the point where i don't want to eat.
i'm so worried what will happen.
i'm still a healthy weight. i haven't been working out or anything, too much at least...just abs. and that isnt often...
but, i mean...i sit here, all day or get up and clean or whatever. and i havent been eating much of anything
example, i've had 2 mini-snickers bars on my desk for over a week until i was like. i should really eat one and when i went to, i wanted to give it to my son, cause all i could imagine was myself getting fat. i didn't want to eat the things cause these little candy bars, that arent even longer than my pinky are going to make me fat.
it seems so ridiculous.
i've been trying to eat and all, but i dont know...i forget
i usually wont eat for up to 8hrs after i wake up...sometimes more, sometimes less.
i also caught myself yesterday...i would sneak a bite of meat, chew it up, grab a paper towel and spit it out.
my mom's fiance got food ready and i walked by it. i made cookies instead. which i ate 4 or 5 of, in total. and other than that, i think all i ate yesterday was a bowl of soup, some devilled eggs, and had a few cups of tea.
i dont remember if i ate anything else. adrian would know better. he always makes sure i eat, cause he knows i will just forget. i wish he was here, with me, so he could help me more.
it's just so weird...
it's turning into, everyday...don't eat all day, mini binge for dinner and then wanting to kick myself
i'm not eating too much for the binge, but it's still more than i should at one sitting.
i have no idea what my calorie intake is. i never monitored it.
i want to start working out...i have a treadmill downstairs, but i cant motivate my fatass. i think it's just that i don't want to miss adrian more, since i can only talk to him through the computer. i don't know.
it's just frustrating
i dont wanna weigh myself
i dont want to know the number, cause i will see it and be like...i know i havent been eating well. and yet, i gained a lb or...i'm the same weight
and yea, for my friends who don't know. i have problems w bulimia, but i haven't done so for quite a while...and now it seems like it has slipped over into anorexia-type territory. i don't know why i do this to myself.
on an equally poop note
my mom is still in the hospital
i dont even know how long it's been now. 2 or 3wks.
they think they located a virus in her colon. they are treating her to the best of their knowledge, but they still arent sure
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In my opinion, managing your caloric intake and expendature isn't near as important as managing your endorphin level. Your metabolism appears to be working just fine. Elevating your heart-rate for extended periods of time, and more importantly, doing it consistently every single day no matter what, will have far more impact than forcing yourself to eat. Forcing yourself to eat is going to make things worse. Forcing yourself to exercise will actually make yourself feel a lot better. Unless you trip and fall on your head and bust your face. Don't do that.