cedar

the first rain of the season hit the oil slicked ground and almost immediately the air started to go crisp. everything in la will just wash away. i feel clean and whole...like my life is finally going exactly where it needed to go. i won't be stopped by people who don't choose to understand that when change comes, i will go with it willingly. i won't be bound by these rules much longer. i want to dance and paint, and live, love, linger like a normal person. i want to swim in passion and creativity that was supposedly long lost or fogotten. i don't feel like denying myself anymore. i will tell you the truth, but i can only tell you what the truth is for me...
i want to live in this, have it take over me, swallow me whole. i want to drown in this, make it my beautiful end. i want to get through this alive, make it my beautiful begining. make this anything at all, even nothing - to me, nothing would always be better than stagnant.
let me go. let me be like this...i'm not sick, i'm happy...and i wanna go play in the rain.