Tuesday Apr 05, 2011

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Feel like I've been falling flat on my face lately - nothing evident to anyone around me, but it's tied to a sense of loss that can only be found in a thought I can't quite explain. So I do this . . .

I thought about driving off the side of the road today - it made me laugh, much more fun in making them wait it out, plus some of those little demons in my head haven't quite made their way out - still have things I need to create, things I haven't set my mind to for some time now. I went out and bought some sketch books and pens - funny how a small purchase like this can actually put meaning back into your thoughts, and thoughts back into your life - fucking mess I'm in, nothing that is was ever intended - reality.

Such a complicated mess I made for myself by just saying yes, and it's the only way I know. Sounds a little overly dramatic, the way I breath life into these insecurities of mine, but it's nice when I repeat these things I write -

to myself

I know that every now and then someone finds their way into this little part of empty space I call my own, and if you get something out of this . . . . let me know what the hell IT is, with luck, you might be able guide me back to the place I used to sit in silent equanimity.

Really liked this pic -

luckyrabbit:
I am very curious what you said yes too.
You seem so sad frown what can I do to make you happier?
cbugg2:
Many things . . . I think the biggest was my choice to come back, to stay, to not venture off and listen to that whisper - I like to move around, didn't take advantage when the opportunity presented itself -

I know I sound sad, but smiles do exist, just sometimes easier to write about that which one feels closest to.

Thanks for looking in wink


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