cbugg2

Fell asleep . . . . woke up - introduced myself to a new way of knowing that this shit is as real as its ever going to get and I've got no reason to head for the door other then the fact that everything that rolls in to my day is the same that's going to roll into the rest of everything I've thought to do with everything that's left in me, yet never sure why I play in an existence lost to the dream I've created my vision of life to be. Ha . . . . got that out in one breath . . . . . .need to fall asleep . . . . been so hard to do the last few months, not because I miss what might have been, that would have never worked out, that would never have lasted past the first twinkle of what she felt to be control, I can't fall asleep, I can't fucking fall away from the promises made in a time when losing you felt as if you were all I had to lose now that I'm losing myself to nothing more then some time spent without reason, without direction, with nothing . . . . THANK GOD for you N, for you K, at least a mission to find the end of my road exists in you - or a few moments in time, lost in another, creation of reason is lost . . . . . why do you keep me here when I can love you more from a distance in appreciation of what you have given me?