It's not that I'm a control freak, but I do like being in control of certain situations. I like being in charge at work. I'm good at what I do and it feels good to finally be in an environment that respects my abilities. My home improvement projects, I like to remain in control. If the end result is going to look like shit I want to be the one to blame instead of going off on someone else. I like my life being organized, everything having its place and its role. So why can't I seem to remain in control of my head and my heart? Why do I throw myself into situations, against my better judgement, that are only going to turn out bad? The curse of the free spirit. There is no place for freedom on the path that I have chosen for myself. Yet I keep trying to find it. Control Catiedid, you must remain in control. The loss of control is the worst feeling for me. Loss of control is destructive. I have left a path of it behind me. Do I learn from my mistakes? I must. For my own sanity I must. For the well being and sanity of those I love, I must.
Deep breath....in and out....okay feel better now. It's all about control...
Late afternoon post commute update:
In celebration of the happiness of the lovely miss josephene I did her proud by being "happy singing chick behind the wheel" on my commute home today. My focus became the beautiful clear blue skies tinted a pinkie orange color from my sun glasses which helped me to block out the odd looks I was getting from the other commuters. So Avril and I were singing together and I was feeling her lyrics:
"To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Hmmmm should I be concerned that I identify with the lyrics of a 17 year old? And do these words, which I was singing at the top of my lungs and understanding the full meaning of (even if Avril doesn't) contradict my control issues I spoke of above or does it support my inability to gain control over myself?
Deep breath....in and out....okay feel better now. It's all about control...
Late afternoon post commute update:
In celebration of the happiness of the lovely miss josephene I did her proud by being "happy singing chick behind the wheel" on my commute home today. My focus became the beautiful clear blue skies tinted a pinkie orange color from my sun glasses which helped me to block out the odd looks I was getting from the other commuters. So Avril and I were singing together and I was feeling her lyrics:
"To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
Hmmmm should I be concerned that I identify with the lyrics of a 17 year old? And do these words, which I was singing at the top of my lungs and understanding the full meaning of (even if Avril doesn't) contradict my control issues I spoke of above or does it support my inability to gain control over myself?
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
josephene:
*giggle* I am so very proud of you! Way to go, cute car singing girl! Wish I was there to sing with you...you do know "top of the world" by the Carpenters? 
josephene:
How am I suppose to work with all of those beautiful, hot pictures of YOU Missy! Goodness...it's a double edged sword we're dealing with, but how fun to play with danger...