catdad

Spot 1019 always makes me smile:

Dinky Dog the Demon Master

On close examination Dinky found a talisman stitched into the lining of his bold, new, used blazer
A tiny ivory dog with a hatchet in it's hand and when he held it up a face appeared before him in the swirling mist
Eyes like pinwheels and a voice like Richard Burton's, deep, resonant and clear
It said, "one word from you Dinky would cause demons to appear."

That night when he got home three skinheads did approach him and they said, "your fine leather jacket will be ours."
But Dinky said, "sorry guys, Cthulhu come and do my bidding. destroy these bad fellows who would harm me!"
No jury in the land would convict him
Because one word from Dinky would cause demons to appear.

[whistling solo]

Footsteps...the landlords coming for the rent but he stops, noticing an overpowering scent
Something unpleasant like burning hair and tar and sulfur. no jury in the land will convict you
Just a glimpse of your fuzzy little face would fill their hearts with fear
Because one word from Dinky would cause demons to appear
Terrible, powerful, fantastic demons to appear