cassy

i bet you'd never believe it but i used to be this girl who didn't really try. i didn't try to look pretty, i didn't try to be nice....i just kinda went through life as things were, and let everything fall into place. not that you shouldn't be true to yourself, or be fake and overly nice, but i really just thought those things didn't apply to me.

i never wore makeup, because i was naturally beautiful (i still think i am, sorry)....i wasn't considerate of others feelings because hey i was just being honest so they better learn to deal with it....i didn't care.

sometimes it's easier to feel like you're not a failure if you don't ever try.

in response to kittie's blog, it's got me thinking about the luck i've had in my life. i mean not to be totally redundant but josh and i met by chance online, playing a multiplayer game. we were friends for a year, and then we fell in love during the process, and all along i was living with my ex. when we finally met it was this magical connection that continued to grow over a 2 year period, we had this life together....this plan. and life got in the way like it always does, human error came into play, and thank God it wasn't anything i'd regret forever or anything....but the truth is, i can't believe how different i am now than i was then.

josh jokes about how now i like to sleep in panties, and now i wear makeup and my hair down, i dress cutesy and more girly than ever, lots of cleavage, and look sexy regularly. not that he really cares, this is a guy that loves me without makeup, and naked, but i think he's seen the change in me not only the way i look but who i am. time away from him has forced me into my own little reality check hasn't it?

i've learned i can take care of myself....i can. i don't like it but it can be done. i can be alone with myself, my own thoughts, and count truly on only me. i can have amazing friends that enrich my life and provide me with support, advice, and love.

i've learned every guy isn't obsessed with sex only and sometimes it can be about love, even for a dude. that the minute he left here, he wasn't looking for someone else, or just somebody to fuck...i mean anyone can do that. i learned that to have faith is sometimes a really scary thing. to not have a hardfast grasp on everything is not the answer to happiness, ultimately life ebbs and flows, and you either learn to adapt, or you just drive yourself more crazy. i learned true love is everlasting, and it's nothing that 3000 miles, or a passing glance can come between.....basically there's no substitute once you've experienced it. i've learned that people have to come to terms with things on their own.....and it's not always on my time.....and that's okay.

wow i'm just babbling away here, but i've just got my mind reeling on about this....

find that little bit of happiness in your day to do something nice....for me it's a good morning text to him every single morning pretty much without fail. i expect nothing in return.

speaking of expecting nothing
for me expecting nothing seems to reap major rewards. i always get tons more than i ever wanted and it's genuine. whether it be love, or texts, or calls or i love yous....the unsolicited ones touch my heart so much more than the ones where i've fished for them.....it's funny like that.

so now with all this....i'll say to you goodnight.
have a wonderful thursday, and hug your love......because you can, and i wish i could <3
xoxo
Cass