"Good afternoon, I have your results," the human reproduction specialist stated in a firm voice. "Unfortunately, despite our attempts, implantation was achieved, but the fetus was lost a few weeks later." The news hit my wife like a heavy stone. She started to cry, and I supported her on my shoulder, giving her a sincere hug. We had undergone the treatment because of her desire to have another baby. After the initial shock had subsided, she asked the doctor, "What was the cause of the loss?", "A genetic defect linked to the X chromosome," the doctor responded. In my mind, I couldn't help but think, "Once again, it's my fault. My fully functional wife loses a baby because of me, and it's the fifth time. I feel exhausted." Heartbroken, we left the office, promising not to try again.
The days went on, my job remained stable, and I continued to achieve success without major ups and downs. At home, things grew more challenging. She focused all her attention on caring for our son, largely ignoring me. But I understood. Her desire to be his mother was more important than anything, even her own health.
Seeing her in this state of depression, I sought help from specialists and convinced her to see a thanatologist psychologist, who could help her channel her pain. "And what about you?" she asked me. I simply responded, "I'm fine, don't worry."
In reality, I wasn't fine. I was overwhelmed by guilt, knowing that I was the one to blame for our situation. Nevertheless, I did what many men do – I swallowed the pain, put on a smile, and kept moving forward, believing that I had to be the strong one for everyone around me.
One night, the phone rang. "Hello," I answered. The voice on the other end told me, "Your father has passed away; we couldn't do more." I responded, "I understand, I'll be there right away." It was news that we had been expecting due to my father's chronic illness, but it was still painful. I thought, "My father, my mentor, my confidant, my teacher, is no longer here..." I began to prepare our suitcases for the long journey ahead of us. My wife asked me, "How are you?" I replied, "I'm okay."
