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carlsyn

Monterrey

Member Since 2017

Followers 46 Following 334

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I don't know what to say, I don't know what to feel...

Jun 1, 2022
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It is the feeling that surrounds me, that keeps me alive, the uncertainty of doing things correctly or living in a constant simulation.
Living a fantasy life, where I'm the strong one, the smart one, the capable one, the winner.
Or reveal to everyone the constant uneasiness that I have, the feeling that I do not reciprocate the love that other people give me, that I only care about moving forward and climbing steps without being able to see the goal, that sometimes I would just like not to get up in the morning, to abandon all effort and leave behind the responsibilities.
But no, I have a great little reason to get ahead, a little person who is not able to express her feelings in words, the most loving person I know, the one who needs me the most. At that moment, I regain my sanity, I get up and put on the mask of a man of the world and a winner, so that he can get ahead and be completely independent in some time.
autistic pride.

Es la sensación que me rodea, que me mantiene vivo, la incertidumbre de hacer las cosas correctamente o estar viviendo en una simulación constante.

Vivir una vida de fantasía, donde soy el fuerte, el inteligente, el capaz, el triunfador.

O revelar a todos la constante desazón que poseo, el sentir que no correspondo al amor que me brindan otras personas, que solo me importa seguir adelante y subir escalones sin lograr ver la meta, que en ocasiones quisiera solo no levantarme en las mañanas, abandonar todo esfuerzo y dejar atrás las responsabilidades.

Pero no, tengo un pequeño gran motivo para salir adelante, una personita que no es capaz de expresar con palabras sus sentimientos, la persona más amorosa que conozco, la que me necesita más. En ese instante, recobro la cordura, me levanto y me coloco la máscara de hombre de mundo y triunfador, para que él logre salir adelante y logre en algún tiempo ser completamente independiente.

Orgullo autista.

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