so... i am on suicide girls once again. my ex made me delete my profile. HA!
things have really changed in the past two days. i broke up with my live in boyfriend. it's pretty much more than a break up. it feels like a divorce. well, i've never been through a divorce so i'm not quite sure if that's right... but fuck, we lived together for two years. i just couldn't handle him disappearing on me anymore. the relationship was convenient for him, but made me worry constantly. i love him. the wounds are still fresh. i just needed my freedom. after years of being so independent it was really hard to feel so dependent on somebody that depended on me solely for financial reasons. i just realized that i need to grow as a person before i can make somebody else happy. trust is a big issue too. damn that trust.
i'm supposed to go to austin tonight for new years eve. now that i think of it, 2008 isn't even a big deal to me. the older i get, holidays just mean much less to me. my head hurts. i'd rather stay in and just pretend it isn't a big day, but i don't think that's good for me. it's my first day back at the apartment and i really don't want to overthink anything. ugh. i'll go nuts.
well, i think i'll take a nap for now and see what happens next.
jade
things have really changed in the past two days. i broke up with my live in boyfriend. it's pretty much more than a break up. it feels like a divorce. well, i've never been through a divorce so i'm not quite sure if that's right... but fuck, we lived together for two years. i just couldn't handle him disappearing on me anymore. the relationship was convenient for him, but made me worry constantly. i love him. the wounds are still fresh. i just needed my freedom. after years of being so independent it was really hard to feel so dependent on somebody that depended on me solely for financial reasons. i just realized that i need to grow as a person before i can make somebody else happy. trust is a big issue too. damn that trust.
i'm supposed to go to austin tonight for new years eve. now that i think of it, 2008 isn't even a big deal to me. the older i get, holidays just mean much less to me. my head hurts. i'd rather stay in and just pretend it isn't a big day, but i don't think that's good for me. it's my first day back at the apartment and i really don't want to overthink anything. ugh. i'll go nuts.
well, i think i'll take a nap for now and see what happens next.
jade
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
i hope you are doing well. please update me.
i love the new profile pic, by the way.