Here I am, about 24 hours after my set was released in the member review section.
First of all, I never thought I would get that much good feedback. Seriously, I am astonished.
I know some other girls get a lot more and that some other are maybe prettier tahn me, skinnier, sexier, but still, I am proud of my self. I have lost so much since the end of summer. I stopped modelling, started school and then stopped. I think the only things that stayed in my life is my boyfriend and you guys. And for that, I am truly gratefull. I wish I could hug and kiss you all, but for that I would have to travel everywhere and I have no money for that.
I also know that my set is not the best, not because of the photographer, oh no no! She did a fantastic job, she was able to make great pictures even with the lack of natural lighting where we were shooting. It's just that I look at my expressions and all, and I don't feel like I was there. And that is something lots of photographer stold me, and what made me stop modeling. Sometimes I just look at my pictures and see that my eyes are lost. And that is because, when I used to shoot, I was not thinking about what was happening at that very moment, but I was thinking about what was going to be the impact of this shooting. And this, my friend, is one of my symptoms of anxiety. Because yes, I have anxiety since I am 15 years old. I can never live now, I am always thinking about what's to happen next and stressing about my future. This is why I developped my panic disorder. This is why I could never be proud of my pictures because this is why I never looked like I was there. And I kinda feel like I could have done better, but at the same time, I feel pride. I feel proud that I was able to do this nd get closer to my dream of becoming a Suicide Girl.
But, on a happier note, I counted down the number of notifications and the number of new followers I got and I can't help it but feel happy. I feel like my family is getting bigger and I feel all of your support!
here is the number of notifications I got in 24 hours after my set was released:
I was just astonished! I never had that much notifications in my life :o so for real, thank you. maybe it's just a number but for me, it means a lot.
I also took pictures of my followers count before and after my set was released.
Before:
(OMYGOSH 420 BURNING KUUUSSSHH) (okay shudup Cara)
After:
Yup, 320 members decided to join the big Cara family! ;3 and that makes me happy! I would like to welcome you all to my blog and I hope you will like what I post :3
So for now I just want to thank you all again, every single one of my sexy followers and I wish we will talk sometime soon ^^
-xxx-
Caraphernelia
