I was out drinking last night, which I would usually say is par for the course, but lately it hasn't been, I've been not drinking a whole lot lately, especially at Yoder shows. I guess that's because I've noticed that people in my group of friends tend to be unlucky when it comes to getting DUIs, and that's certainly something I neither want, nor can I afford.
So that being said, I was out drinking last night at this bar on the outskirts of town (I don't know why, but I tend to like those kind of bars, the dark, dirty old ones full of weird people), hanging out with my buddy Andy, and drinking Crown 7s (they were buy one get one for 25 cents). They had this deal there where you could get a cocktail, a 16 oz beer, and 6 chicken wings for $4. Now, for a bar that's way out of town on the side of a major highway, this seems like a bad idea.
But I digress, I was out drinking last night.....on country line dancing night at this bar. If you haven't seen this before, its quite an interesting phenomenon. A bunch of people who shouldn't be wearing tight jeans put on their tight jeans, their cowboy hats, and their boots and go out and dance these choreographed dances all in nice neat perfect rows. The soundtrack? The lamest pop country music around. This was actually really entertaining, and Andy and I got a lot of laughs out of the deal. I guess sometimes I go out to these kind of places because the ridiculousness of it all just really cracks me up.
I was kind of disappointed though, that the bartender didn't know how to make singapore slings (and neither did they have mezcal). Interesting stuff always happens at these kind of places, this guy who was really deep into a pulltab box (another phenomenon that I'll get into another time) asked the bartender if she wanted to see his wiggly worm. She said no, but he proceeded to take off his pants anyway, at which point she shot him in the crotch with cranberry juice from the gun. Now THAT was hilarious, the guy had to go home to his wife (yes, I'm the kind of person who likes to observe a lot about people when I'm peoplewatching, so I look for things like wedding rings) with a big red stain on his nice acid washed wranglers. Poor feller.
There's something about hick bars that's just really entertaining. My usual watering hole, this bar a couple blocks from my house, is a quiet bar where I know everyone and there's never any fights or anything like that. You walk into one of these roadside bars that's packed full of rubes, and the tension in the air is like electricity. They don't generally mess with my friends and I, we mostly keep to ourselves, or we start ridiculous conversations with people, but for the most part people show me respect. But the thing is, I go in there and sit and wait for the fights to break out. Its guaranteed to happen, some drunken rube says something to another one, maybe about his wife or his sister or something, and suddenly fists are flying and bottles are breaking. Its like watching a movie play out right before your eyes.
In my days of doing this kind of thing, I've seen all kinds of crazy stuff. Guys getting thrown over the bar, out windows, stabbed with broken bottles, stuff like that. Its really weird seeing this kind of stuff, and knowing that it goes on all the time at these kind of bars. Its an interesting thought on the human condition.
It makes me glad I'm not like that, and anyway, I look terrible in snowmobile clothes and nascar hats.
I'll just be super glad to retire to the Tavern on Germain after my radio show tonight, drink good beers, and chat with the bartender, always get to know your bartender people, they'll take care of you if you're on their good side. And by taking care of you, I mean cheap drinks, advice, cab rides, letting you know who to avoid, and stuff like that.
So remember folks, the bartender is your friend, and he or she may save your life one day. SO TIP THEM WELL GODDAMMIT!!!!
So that being said, I was out drinking last night at this bar on the outskirts of town (I don't know why, but I tend to like those kind of bars, the dark, dirty old ones full of weird people), hanging out with my buddy Andy, and drinking Crown 7s (they were buy one get one for 25 cents). They had this deal there where you could get a cocktail, a 16 oz beer, and 6 chicken wings for $4. Now, for a bar that's way out of town on the side of a major highway, this seems like a bad idea.
But I digress, I was out drinking last night.....on country line dancing night at this bar. If you haven't seen this before, its quite an interesting phenomenon. A bunch of people who shouldn't be wearing tight jeans put on their tight jeans, their cowboy hats, and their boots and go out and dance these choreographed dances all in nice neat perfect rows. The soundtrack? The lamest pop country music around. This was actually really entertaining, and Andy and I got a lot of laughs out of the deal. I guess sometimes I go out to these kind of places because the ridiculousness of it all just really cracks me up.
I was kind of disappointed though, that the bartender didn't know how to make singapore slings (and neither did they have mezcal). Interesting stuff always happens at these kind of places, this guy who was really deep into a pulltab box (another phenomenon that I'll get into another time) asked the bartender if she wanted to see his wiggly worm. She said no, but he proceeded to take off his pants anyway, at which point she shot him in the crotch with cranberry juice from the gun. Now THAT was hilarious, the guy had to go home to his wife (yes, I'm the kind of person who likes to observe a lot about people when I'm peoplewatching, so I look for things like wedding rings) with a big red stain on his nice acid washed wranglers. Poor feller.
There's something about hick bars that's just really entertaining. My usual watering hole, this bar a couple blocks from my house, is a quiet bar where I know everyone and there's never any fights or anything like that. You walk into one of these roadside bars that's packed full of rubes, and the tension in the air is like electricity. They don't generally mess with my friends and I, we mostly keep to ourselves, or we start ridiculous conversations with people, but for the most part people show me respect. But the thing is, I go in there and sit and wait for the fights to break out. Its guaranteed to happen, some drunken rube says something to another one, maybe about his wife or his sister or something, and suddenly fists are flying and bottles are breaking. Its like watching a movie play out right before your eyes.
In my days of doing this kind of thing, I've seen all kinds of crazy stuff. Guys getting thrown over the bar, out windows, stabbed with broken bottles, stuff like that. Its really weird seeing this kind of stuff, and knowing that it goes on all the time at these kind of bars. Its an interesting thought on the human condition.
It makes me glad I'm not like that, and anyway, I look terrible in snowmobile clothes and nascar hats.
I'll just be super glad to retire to the Tavern on Germain after my radio show tonight, drink good beers, and chat with the bartender, always get to know your bartender people, they'll take care of you if you're on their good side. And by taking care of you, I mean cheap drinks, advice, cab rides, letting you know who to avoid, and stuff like that.
So remember folks, the bartender is your friend, and he or she may save your life one day. SO TIP THEM WELL GODDAMMIT!!!!