Today I was visited by an extra-terrestrial. I was stunned. A transcript of the conversation follows:
Me: Jumpin' Jehosophat! What are you?
ET: Do not be alarmed, native Earth life form. We come from the planet B'Nix!Blat, circling the star Alpha Centari. We have recently discovered primitive radio transmissions emanating from this planet, and have come to usher in a new age of plenty and goodwill. Assuming we can find intelligent life. Our analysis of the transmissions was inconclusive. So, I am investigating personally.
Me: Wow. That's wild. And judging by the transmissions we've done in the past it's not that surprising that you're confused as to our intelligence.
ET: We desire or meet the ruling species of this planet. Can you introduce us?
Me: I'm sorry?
ET: Yes, we have seen you humans endure inflicted pain from scratches, or lack of attention from your rulers, the small four legged life forms that traditionally feed upon the small squeaky animals.
Me: Oh you mean cats. Nah, they're not in charge. They're pets. I could go out right now and buy one if I wanted. If I decided I didn't want one anymore I could get rid of it just as easily.
ET: Very well. Tell me more about your race. We must determine if you are truly intelligent.
Me: Well, what do you want to know?
ET: How is knowledge obtained? Is it passed on through oral traditions?
Me: Well there's an initial education phase. After that it follows a process we call the scientific method, wherein observation, proof, and peer review are used to verify experimental results.
ET: Excellent! Do you still create mythology? Stories to explain the world?
Me: Not really. We have something called "Movies", purely for entertainment.
ET: *makes a ticky mark* Good! Anything else that cannot be proved?
Me: Well . . . some people believe in religion.
ET: Tell me more.
Me: Well in this country many believe there was this one guy born a long time ago. Most revere him. They say he was killed, then he came back from the dead.
ET: I see. Any cultural events associated with this?
Me: Well . . . there's two holidays . . .
ET: Ah! Where you spend the time mediating on his life and teachings?
Me: *looks uncomfortable* We celebrate both his birth and resurrection.
ET: And how do celebrate his birth?
Me: Umm . . . we believe a big fat man in a red suit comes down your chimney and leaves presents in exchange for milk and cookies.
ET: I see. And his resurrection?
Me: *cough* A giant rabbit lays chocolate eggs for us to find.
ET: Right. Don't call us. We'll call you. Caio.
Me: Jumpin' Jehosophat! What are you?
ET: Do not be alarmed, native Earth life form. We come from the planet B'Nix!Blat, circling the star Alpha Centari. We have recently discovered primitive radio transmissions emanating from this planet, and have come to usher in a new age of plenty and goodwill. Assuming we can find intelligent life. Our analysis of the transmissions was inconclusive. So, I am investigating personally.
Me: Wow. That's wild. And judging by the transmissions we've done in the past it's not that surprising that you're confused as to our intelligence.
ET: We desire or meet the ruling species of this planet. Can you introduce us?
Me: I'm sorry?
ET: Yes, we have seen you humans endure inflicted pain from scratches, or lack of attention from your rulers, the small four legged life forms that traditionally feed upon the small squeaky animals.
Me: Oh you mean cats. Nah, they're not in charge. They're pets. I could go out right now and buy one if I wanted. If I decided I didn't want one anymore I could get rid of it just as easily.
ET: Very well. Tell me more about your race. We must determine if you are truly intelligent.
Me: Well, what do you want to know?
ET: How is knowledge obtained? Is it passed on through oral traditions?
Me: Well there's an initial education phase. After that it follows a process we call the scientific method, wherein observation, proof, and peer review are used to verify experimental results.
ET: Excellent! Do you still create mythology? Stories to explain the world?
Me: Not really. We have something called "Movies", purely for entertainment.
ET: *makes a ticky mark* Good! Anything else that cannot be proved?
Me: Well . . . some people believe in religion.
ET: Tell me more.
Me: Well in this country many believe there was this one guy born a long time ago. Most revere him. They say he was killed, then he came back from the dead.
ET: I see. Any cultural events associated with this?
Me: Well . . . there's two holidays . . .
ET: Ah! Where you spend the time mediating on his life and teachings?
Me: *looks uncomfortable* We celebrate both his birth and resurrection.
ET: And how do celebrate his birth?
Me: Umm . . . we believe a big fat man in a red suit comes down your chimney and leaves presents in exchange for milk and cookies.
ET: I see. And his resurrection?
Me: *cough* A giant rabbit lays chocolate eggs for us to find.
ET: Right. Don't call us. We'll call you. Caio.
suri:
happy birthday honey!!