candycox

So I'm sitting here, quietly in my room, having just woken up and feeling like my head was smashed in with a hammer. I smoked so much last night, I couldn't see straight. My therapist is right - I do self-medicate. Duh. What else can I do? When my heart's been drop-kicked and crushed to smithereens - yet again - I don't know how to deal with that aching that burns like a tremor in my chest... why should I have to? Weed is my refuge, my abyss, my friend. Besides my cat, sometimes it's the only thing that truly consoles me.

I look outside and the sun is nowhere to be found. It probably decided that today wasn't a day worth shining for... and I couldn't blame it.

Today is an empty day. A day of sad cheesy love songs on the radio, a silent plea to the gods for better karma, questions left unanswered in the dust... withering away as I lower my lashes and pretend to be okay.

It amazes me how the world always moves on around me, even though I feel like it should stop and everyone should have to feel the same suffering I'm going through. The same emptiness. The same ache. Why should all those other supposedly happy couples be allowed to smile when I'm not?

It doesn't seem fair. But then again, we all know that life isn't. Especially my love life. I seem to be addicted to the same pattern of failure over and over again.


The gods must be laughing.


I don't blame them.