I think nows as good a time as any to spell out why I started seeing a therapist.
I, along with 95% of the people I know came from a broken home, but mine, like everyone else's was broken uniquely, and I adapted to it very well, but in the most self destructive way possible so here's the short version-
My parents split when I was 7, old enough to know what was going on, but not old enough to have any say in the matter. My two families were and still are dramatically different, my mothers family is hardcore catholic, mostly professors and lawyers. My fathers family is ex-mafia, generally amoral, and driven by money, they've got a real "he who dies with the most toys wins" attitude.
So I grew up with two dramatically different personalities, that I could switch on and off, depending on which family I was with, I was so good at living as two different people, I started living as more people, inventing characters and pasts as I went through life to accomodate whoever I happened to be around, this proved problematic because it never took anyone very long to see through the facade and call me out on it, and me being the coward that I was just went somewhere else and invented someone new for myself to be every time I was figured out.
This continued up until I met a girl who not only saw through me, but saw a part of me that was real, and worth saving, and she called me out on that too, which is really what catalyzed this change in my way of thinking. This happened about 6 months ago, 3 of which I've been seeing a therapist every week.
The progress I've made in finding myself has been amazing to me, I've come out and apologized to all of my old friends who would still speak to me and explained the situation, some people understood and accepted me and my situation for what they were, but most told me I'm a crazy son of a bitch and that I had too many issues to be associated with, which was also fair of them given the circumstances. The real trick has been accepting weakness, the people I invented for myself to be were perfect, they were all romantic ideals, impossible for a real human to fulfill, just acknowledging my own humanity was the hardest part, just because once I started to learn who I really was, I didn't like the person I was getting to know.
But I'm past it now. I've totally come to terms with the human behind all the masks, and I've started taking actions to really cast them all off, and for good. Truth be told I'm pretty happy with myself for the first time ever, just because what I am is genuine, there's beauty in authenticity, and there's no more denial, or delusion, it's really amazing what honesty can do for you once you start being honest with yourself.
I'm still trying to get through some of the finer points of my issues, like the guilt and fear I was raised on in a broken, embittered catholic family, I've totally cast off the big lie in the sky and the idea that if I step out of line I'm going to be sent to a lake of fire for all eternity, I'm much too pragmatic to take any of that dogmatic garbage seriously, but I still feel guilt and shame to an extent that's just not healthy.
Sorry for the novel, but that's why I'm seeing a therapist.
I, along with 95% of the people I know came from a broken home, but mine, like everyone else's was broken uniquely, and I adapted to it very well, but in the most self destructive way possible so here's the short version-
My parents split when I was 7, old enough to know what was going on, but not old enough to have any say in the matter. My two families were and still are dramatically different, my mothers family is hardcore catholic, mostly professors and lawyers. My fathers family is ex-mafia, generally amoral, and driven by money, they've got a real "he who dies with the most toys wins" attitude.
So I grew up with two dramatically different personalities, that I could switch on and off, depending on which family I was with, I was so good at living as two different people, I started living as more people, inventing characters and pasts as I went through life to accomodate whoever I happened to be around, this proved problematic because it never took anyone very long to see through the facade and call me out on it, and me being the coward that I was just went somewhere else and invented someone new for myself to be every time I was figured out.
This continued up until I met a girl who not only saw through me, but saw a part of me that was real, and worth saving, and she called me out on that too, which is really what catalyzed this change in my way of thinking. This happened about 6 months ago, 3 of which I've been seeing a therapist every week.
The progress I've made in finding myself has been amazing to me, I've come out and apologized to all of my old friends who would still speak to me and explained the situation, some people understood and accepted me and my situation for what they were, but most told me I'm a crazy son of a bitch and that I had too many issues to be associated with, which was also fair of them given the circumstances. The real trick has been accepting weakness, the people I invented for myself to be were perfect, they were all romantic ideals, impossible for a real human to fulfill, just acknowledging my own humanity was the hardest part, just because once I started to learn who I really was, I didn't like the person I was getting to know.
But I'm past it now. I've totally come to terms with the human behind all the masks, and I've started taking actions to really cast them all off, and for good. Truth be told I'm pretty happy with myself for the first time ever, just because what I am is genuine, there's beauty in authenticity, and there's no more denial, or delusion, it's really amazing what honesty can do for you once you start being honest with yourself.
I'm still trying to get through some of the finer points of my issues, like the guilt and fear I was raised on in a broken, embittered catholic family, I've totally cast off the big lie in the sky and the idea that if I step out of line I'm going to be sent to a lake of fire for all eternity, I'm much too pragmatic to take any of that dogmatic garbage seriously, but I still feel guilt and shame to an extent that's just not healthy.
Sorry for the novel, but that's why I'm seeing a therapist.