I was talking to my friend K today. She found out a couple days ago that she is with fetus. Most likely it's one of two boys. She is going to lose the bunch of congregated cells in her uterus as soon as she can collect the $400. We play-flirted on-line, which is our habit, and she said that "I'd fuck you for $20 right now".
I laughed at first, but then realized that she was serious. And the sad part was that I considered it.
She's had a similar fucked up life situation to my own...which is most likely what contributed to our own highly skanky behavior. We used to have a contest...who could fuck the most people in the shortest possible time.
Well, K. is probably a few higher than me...but we're both in triple digits these days.
On another note, I wish I could look like Katherine Moennig from the series, The L Word. And by look like I mean, I wish I could have the bone structure, the thin-ness, really. And the vagina.
When I worked at a coffee shop, I used to talk to the never-ending stream of 16 year old girls with pencil-skinny waistlines and feel insanely jealous. I always wanted to be thin and waify and dainty. I think it would suit my personality better. I'm as gender fuck as gender fuck can be.
I'm six feet tall and brawny and very masculine looking on the outside.
They'd have to work hard on me to make me into a woman, if surgery was what I wanted. But that's not really what I want, I don't think.
I have only run across a precious few openly trans people in my life, and many of them have had similar experiences to my own. I remember the first sexual fantasies I had were not of having sex with a woman or having sex with a man...rather they were of mind control and switching bodies. Of having sex while in the body of a woman.
When I turned 16, my family got the internet and I ran across a short story called "Trapped In Silk". It was the most erotic story I had ever read in my life. The plot focused on a man who had been secretly wearing his girlfriend's panties...and then had been caught in the act by the girlfriend. She, highly angry and highly aroused, had then violently taken control over him while in bed.
I saw it later labeled "transgender erotica" and wondered what that meant...Transgender.
At the time, you feel so alone and so isolated, feeling that it is your own private fetish/humiliation. And there is comfort knowing someone has assigned a term and word to what you feel.
But often this sort of response is nutured out of great trauma.
I don't know what to say, really. I will always fantasize about being a female. I will always clandestinly shop at Victoria's Secret for myself. I've ceased to feel like I ought to be ashamed for this anymore.
But I still stare at that picture of Katherine Moennig and think..."If only I could look like that".
P.S. Does anyone know of a good support group for trans people? I've always felt so uncomfortably weird being this way.
I laughed at first, but then realized that she was serious. And the sad part was that I considered it.
She's had a similar fucked up life situation to my own...which is most likely what contributed to our own highly skanky behavior. We used to have a contest...who could fuck the most people in the shortest possible time.
Well, K. is probably a few higher than me...but we're both in triple digits these days.
On another note, I wish I could look like Katherine Moennig from the series, The L Word. And by look like I mean, I wish I could have the bone structure, the thin-ness, really. And the vagina.
When I worked at a coffee shop, I used to talk to the never-ending stream of 16 year old girls with pencil-skinny waistlines and feel insanely jealous. I always wanted to be thin and waify and dainty. I think it would suit my personality better. I'm as gender fuck as gender fuck can be.
I'm six feet tall and brawny and very masculine looking on the outside.
They'd have to work hard on me to make me into a woman, if surgery was what I wanted. But that's not really what I want, I don't think.
I have only run across a precious few openly trans people in my life, and many of them have had similar experiences to my own. I remember the first sexual fantasies I had were not of having sex with a woman or having sex with a man...rather they were of mind control and switching bodies. Of having sex while in the body of a woman.
When I turned 16, my family got the internet and I ran across a short story called "Trapped In Silk". It was the most erotic story I had ever read in my life. The plot focused on a man who had been secretly wearing his girlfriend's panties...and then had been caught in the act by the girlfriend. She, highly angry and highly aroused, had then violently taken control over him while in bed.
I saw it later labeled "transgender erotica" and wondered what that meant...Transgender.
At the time, you feel so alone and so isolated, feeling that it is your own private fetish/humiliation. And there is comfort knowing someone has assigned a term and word to what you feel.
But often this sort of response is nutured out of great trauma.
I don't know what to say, really. I will always fantasize about being a female. I will always clandestinly shop at Victoria's Secret for myself. I've ceased to feel like I ought to be ashamed for this anymore.
But I still stare at that picture of Katherine Moennig and think..."If only I could look like that".
P.S. Does anyone know of a good support group for trans people? I've always felt so uncomfortably weird being this way.