This is me hating life....figured I needed someone to talk to...don't have anyone and no one reads my blog so what does it matter. I am 22 soon to be 23 with no seemingly apparent future. This depresses me greatly. I'm tired of people who tell me that I will do great things in my life and that someday I will change the world and yada yada yada...bullshit. I have been more depressed in the last month than I have seen my teens. The worst part is I can't just blame my depression on one catalyst.
I feel stuck in this life and unable to follow my instincts, due to RESPONSIBLITIES. I hate this life of feeling like MY possessions own ME. Basically, I am unhappy because I spent most of my day in a place I hate, with people that are so fake but yet look at me like I am fucked up. I do this in order to make money to pay for rent on a home to hold all my shit, loans for me to go to a school I didn't want to go to, insurance on a car that I don't feel is necessary, and on and on and on. These bills are paid not to keep me content. These bills are paid because I love my girlfriend and it would be selfish of me to quit my job in order to follow a career path I am more passionate about. But the question, is it more selfish to deny my lover the essentials to a decent living or deny her a life with me where I am truly happy? I wonder...is it fair to her? me? either of us? I feel horrible because I am so unhappy, not with her, just with this way of life that is suffocating me. She loves me so much that she would go with me wherever I want to go and support me in any endeavor...but I would never forgive myself if I let her down. Is it her that holds me back from taking chances? Is it me?
Really I just want to rid of this place and these people who just look at me like I am an alien. I want to be somewhere that there are others with similar interests and ambitions and ideas. I feel like this town is crushing my inspirations. My imagination. My soul. My passion for life. My will to go on.
I feel stuck in this life and unable to follow my instincts, due to RESPONSIBLITIES. I hate this life of feeling like MY possessions own ME. Basically, I am unhappy because I spent most of my day in a place I hate, with people that are so fake but yet look at me like I am fucked up. I do this in order to make money to pay for rent on a home to hold all my shit, loans for me to go to a school I didn't want to go to, insurance on a car that I don't feel is necessary, and on and on and on. These bills are paid not to keep me content. These bills are paid because I love my girlfriend and it would be selfish of me to quit my job in order to follow a career path I am more passionate about. But the question, is it more selfish to deny my lover the essentials to a decent living or deny her a life with me where I am truly happy? I wonder...is it fair to her? me? either of us? I feel horrible because I am so unhappy, not with her, just with this way of life that is suffocating me. She loves me so much that she would go with me wherever I want to go and support me in any endeavor...but I would never forgive myself if I let her down. Is it her that holds me back from taking chances? Is it me?
Really I just want to rid of this place and these people who just look at me like I am an alien. I want to be somewhere that there are others with similar interests and ambitions and ideas. I feel like this town is crushing my inspirations. My imagination. My soul. My passion for life. My will to go on.
