I've thinking about this a lot lately, especially at work. On the assembly line we sometimes have to work in close quarters and more than once have had to literally reach around one another in order to get our process completed. It creates an environment where doing your job can violate personal boundaries really fast if you aren't careful. Take into account the fact that we work in mixed company (males and females of different races and relationship types) and the problem only compounds itself. Since returning to work I've worked really hard to ensure that my co-workers know and understand that I really only intend to complete my steps when I literally have to reach around their ass to get to a certain portion of the car. This is where The Gentleman's Code comes into play.
The code is very simple. Everyone you encounter, no matter who they are you let them know in some way that they matter. Your married, female co worker who is standing in the car door that you need to install a part on? Don't just reach around her, say: "Excuse me, I need to get in there." When she makes room for you to complete your job say thank you. That black homeless man you see walking into the store you're leaving? Hold the door open for him. Whether it's for an instant or a lifetime make sure you let the people around know they matter even if only in some small way. No, not all of them are going to voice their appreciation and some may still be downright rude about it but that doesn't matter. Rise above the bitterness that swallows us and show them kindness. It's why it's called being a "Gentle" man.
Masculine culture in many ways demands that men be the dominate force in the world but this comes with a lot of responsibility that is often forgotten or just plain ignored. Being Alpha male isn't just acting tough, like you can kick the ass of everyone around you. You also have to lead by example. Far too often men get so caught up in the "glory" of being the dominant that they forget others are looking up to them. You need to show them that being the big man on campus is more than just throwing your fists around, it means taking care of those who need it. It is just as important for you to share a kind word or light hearted joke as it is to knock out that bully who only thinks they're a man. If you're going to be in charge of a group of people know that they have needs and rise to meet them. When someone screws up deal with it but be fair. Don't embarrass them or call them names and otherwise make them feel bad about themselves just because they made a mistake. Educate them about the consequences of their actions. Remember this is your teammate and they matter. They need to know this or the problems you're having with them aren't going to go away. They'll just get worse. It's most important in your personal relationships. The person(s) you have romantic and/or sexual relations with (thank you Bill Clinton!) need to know that they matter to you. Small gestures mean a lot in this context and in many ways are more important than the giant, grandiose gestures that masculine culture demands. A single rose when your spouse is having a really rough day can be every bit as impactful as that romantic dinner at the most exclusive five star restaurant in town. No, she doesn't have to "make it worth your while" by spreading her ass cheeks so you can fuck her asshole. The code of the gentleman doesn't ask for anything in return. This isn't a system of currency, it's a manner of treating people so that they feel good about themselves. Your reward is the smile, the hug and the "thank you" that they say in return. If you don't get any of that don't get angry or bitter about it. Move on with your day and forget about it.
Being a gentleman doesn't mean you're weak or a doormat. It doesn't mean that your spouse "wears the pants in your family" or that you're "pussy whipped." It means that you care about those around you enough to elevate them and if anyone wants to fuck with them that person has to deal with you. There's no reason an alpha male can't be both tough and kind. In fact I daresay it's a requirement. Otherwise you're not alpha anything, you're just a dick.
