To be honest I don't know. In the Navy I was a little bitch with no balls. My wife tells me I'm a "real man." My dad always called me a gentlemen. But 39 years after entering this world I am no closer to being able to answer the age old question:
What does it mean to be a man?
The reasons are many and varied but suffice it to say the top one on the list is that the definition of "man" or "manhood" isn't universal. The next reason on down is that being a man seems to revolve around violence of some kind. Next on the list is that being a man seems to be under the jurisdiction of others, not the individual in question. Now again, this is not universal (see rule number one) and I have run into many males who would in fact agree with my wife or my father but even then the reasons are very often different. Back in the ancient days our ancestors had rites of passage that would arbitrarily dictate when a boy was to be declared a man. This may have been unfair but at least there was a standard we could agree upon. "Am I a man dad?" "Have you jacked off a Saber Tooth Tiger yet?" "No." "Nope. Sorry son." Nowadays becoming a man simply seems to be a matter of living long enough to type 18 in the age box of some form. As a result we no longer have a standardized definition of what makes a male a man. It seems to be up to either the individual or the society in which he is raised and very often the two conflict. One may feel the title of man is deserved while the other disagrees. Who is right?
While no standard definition really exists anymore there is one factor that does seem to be quite prevalent in determining manhood. Your capacity for violence. This isn't always your ability to cause harm but also your ability to suffer harm and perservere. "Take it like a man!" "I can kick anyone's ass!" are the battlecries of males who are determined to show the world that they are "real men." Unfortunately this becomes extremely problematic when the third issue is involved. Because there is no universal definition of what makes a male a man anymore anyone can simply make up whatever rule they want and try to enforce it. The only way out of this is to fight, either with insults or your fists and it never ends well. And if a woman ever calls into question a male's manhood she can expect to die. Its more than just acceptable, its practically required in some circles.
The biggest problem with trying to become a man in today's society is that it is impossible to be accepted as a man in today's society. Someone, somewhere, for reasons that are entirely their own will not accept your standards and challenge your manhood. Even in mainstream media when you have things that are supposedly directed at men the items or ideals in particular are inconsistent. Do men enjoy sex the most? Sports? Fixing things, building things, modeling? What is it men want that makes them men? Or, is that the wrong question? Quite frankly, I just do not know.
I've pretty much given up trying to be considered a man by my peers. The goal posts move too much and there are too many things I enjoy doing that just aren't considered "manly" like the following:
...and because of that I have been considered not a man and subjected to the intense bullying that comes along with it. But I'll be honest with you folks, no woman has ever called my existence into question simply because of their assessment of my "manly qualities." No woman has ever tried to beat me up and told me: "Take it like a man!" If that's what being a real man is all about, I'd rather be a woman.
