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brokenalice

St Petersburg

Member Since 2003

Followers 110 Following 49

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Monday Jun 28, 2004

Jun 28, 2004
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The other day I found out a an old friend of mine died.. he was 20 yrs old. He went into cardiac arrest. This news was not surprising in the slightest. While I was close friends with him a few years ago, he was very overweight, and he did enough drugs and drank enough liquor to supply a small army. I always said he was going to die young. I felt this way so deeply that eventually I just stopped answering the phone when he called. I loved him as a brother, but I couldn't stand to watch what he was doing to himself.

Last night I found his obituary online and for about an hour I choked back tears. It made me wonder.. would be have died so young if he had more of his friends around? I believe I'm not the only one to have distanced themselves from him. I can't help but feel a sense of guilt... he told me he loved me and called me his sister... did I have some sort of obligation to him?

I heard he even started shooting back up again... and in that case I wouldn't have wanted to be around him anyway... but I still feel like a piece of shit.

Alex's death has affected me more than any other death that has struck close to home. My grandpa passed away recently as some of you know, and I think I only cried briefly when that happened so I could feel normal amongst the grieving. But when someone who was a good friend of yours dies and he's only 20 years old???? I'm still tryin not to start bawlin.

RIP ALEX... I love you man.

VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
ash:
Well dear ... I also had a similar situATION happe to me, and well you cant blame yourself of course. You honestly thought u were doing the right thing and as long as we honestly feel that what we're doing is right ... who's to tell you its NOT right?
Jun 29, 2004
lilmissmorbid:
I have been there before. I guess my question to you is did you try to help him get off the drugs and stuff? A coworker currently is in the same situation we have tried everything even interventions to get her off crack and she doesnt budge. Now its in her hands. If you honestly did everything you could to help him then you should not feel guilt even in the slightest. Im not trying to tell you how should feel but I just know if you tried to help him beat it and failed it isnt your fault. Who says you cant mourn the death of a friend cry your heart out its healthy.
My heart goes out to you while you deal with the loss of your friend.
Jun 29, 2004

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