brawler

Ok,

so what do you do when you hurt the one you love most of all? What do you do when the one you love doesn't make you happy anymore? Do you just move on? Do you stay behind? I have always prescribed to the thought that life is too short afor naything other then complete happiness. COMPLETE HAPPINESS. You could be here one minute, and gone the next..I can't even count all the people I know that have died inthe passed few years. It's fucking lot..

So here is my story..not all of it..but most of it..I have the mother of my child..a wonderful woman..very sweet, very caring, very innocent..has been her whole life..She would never hurt a fly..and most certainly would never do anything to hurt me or the little one..ever...She lead a very sheltered childhood and grew up inAustralia..her parents are, to say the least..mutants..fucking wierdos..they never do anything, and they hate each other..Her mother, has never had a job and all she ever cared about were the kids..her father, has ambition, but in a retarded way..and he always has these schemes to make money, but they never work out. Bottom line, they are both onwelfare and don't have shit...her brothers and sisters are all grown up, and now her mother doesn't know what to do.

So in I walk into the scene and take her here to America and try to give her a better life, I am 100 mph, all the time. I am involved in almost every aspect of my job, I do shit outside of my job, and work out, I study BJJ, and I drink and party like there is no tomorrow..and I've always been that way. Even when I was in the military, I excelled and did very well. I love my job, and I love my life..I am perfectly happy with the way I look and the way I feel.

And Betty (not her real name to protect the innocent) is the exact opposite. She hates her job, doesn't ever go out, and now all she has is the little one. I tried to get her to find a new job, but she doesn't have the drive to find one she likes. SHe wanted to sing, or act, or something like that and I tried to encourage her as much as possible. But she never went after anything. So she just went home, miserable, and all she ever had was me and now the little one. Fine..no big deal, if that's what she wants to do, so be it.

However, I am bored..to death..and recently I did something I shouldn't have done..I'm not going to go into specifics, but she is hurt..and I feel terrible for hurting something that would never hurt me. But at the same time, I think I would do it again if the opportunity presented itself. Not hurt her, but engage in the act that hurt her inthe first place.

So now I find myself at the crossroads..I don't want to leave..but I don't know if I want to stay. I don't want her to go back to Australia and take the little one, but she wouldn't be able to stay. She has no friends, no family, and has never really connected with my family..So I don't know what to do. I can't slow down..I just can't..on the nights that I have the little one because she has to work...I have no problem staying at home..but the minute she walks inthe door..out I go...I can't help it..there is just so much to do..so much to life..and I don't know if I want it any other way..I think, in order for us to work...I'm going to be the one who has to stop being like I am..because you can't make someone enjoy, what they don't enjoy..She doesn't like to drink, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't like to watch the fights, she doesn't like to go to concerts, she doesn't like the same movies I like..so I feel that I am the one that is going to have to stop. And maybe rightfully so, since it is that lifestyle that got us into this mess inthe first place..but I don't know if I am wlling to do that..I guess only time will tell...

Any advice?