Roller Coaster.
I've never been a fan of roller coasters. They scare me, and the only ones I've been around were built off the back of a truck over night, so my fear is justified I think.
Also, they whip you up, down and around, you sometimes get sick and sometimes you become numb.
Well, right now I'm on a roller coaster of my own.
My mom phoned me at work with some news about my aunt. This Aunt I haven't seen since I was eight. The last time I saw her she was yelling and screaming brandishing a knife and I was hiding under my grandmas kitchen table fully expecting that by the end of the fight, my grandmothers blood would be surrounding me in that kitchen. It was terrifying.
The fight was over my aunts drug use. She was deep into heroin, coke, crack weed. Anything that could get her high.
Last report we had of her after a very long hiatus was that she was living in East Hastings, Vancouver. Basically the most vile area in Canada. Take everything bad you can imagine on every reserve, halfway house and prison and throw it all in this one street. That was my aunts home.
We tried to get her back in Calgary, to be around family and see that we want to help, but she wouldn't come back.
And now it seems that she probably wont. My moms news was that my aunt has been diagnosed with full blown AIDS.
I saw this coming, I mean she was a junkie for 20+ years. In all honesty she lived much much longer than I expected her to. Everyone saw this coming. it was never a question of if or how she was going to die, just "when?" . Now we know.
At fist I felt nothing when hearing this news. I told my mom flat out that it was about time, and it's her own fault. My mom agreed and said that regardless, it's family and we may have to be there for her.
I phoned my sister to see if she heard about the news and she had. I asked her if she knew how my dad was and she said he was fine. I can bet she didn't have the same conversation I shared with him. I have a feeling he was putting on his normal tough guy persona.
So I called him. It started out fine. I asked him how he was, he said he was okay, just shaken up a bit. I asked him if he was going to Vancouver to visit her in the hospital and he said maybe. I told him he should. I also told him that this was sort of expected.
That's when things got bad. He told me that he hoped that someone would have just found her dead in an alley, it would have been easier to deal with. Now she has to suffer not only with her addictions, but with this new disease. At this point he was crying. Look at my family pic on my profile. That big guy on the left with the long hair who looks like a villain from Desparado, that's my dad. Picture him crying, it broke my fucking heart.
That was my sign to let him go, I told him to call me if he needs anything, he could barely say thanks his voice was so hoarse.
I hung up the phone the best I could. I was shaking I couldn't even it my head-set into the charger. I couldn't see because my eyes teared up. I had to damn near run to the bathroom to wash my face and breathe.
This man, my dad, superman. the guy who can damn near have his fingers fall off and he just superglues his wounds shut without so much of a hiss of pain had started to cry on the phone with me. I tore me up so bad.
Now my emotions are going fucking wild. I'm angry my aunt took on such a selfish lifestyle. I'm angry that she gave up so easily. I'm ton up about the pain my dad is going through. My Grandmother is already in bad shape and I'm scared that when my aunt dies, she's going to take my grandmother with her, which is going to destroy my dad.
Fuck.
Well, here's hoping good things come along, regularily and quickly.
I'm trying my damnedest to keep a positive mind about everything and it's honestly draining my soul.
