i am probably the sickest i have been in a year or two right now and i am bullying myself to keep working.
i can barely keep my eyes open. my movements are sluggish, when i breathe in too fast, i start coughing... and yet i refuse to lie down.
as if two days of sleeping will ruin my whole life and i'll never reach my goals.
it's hard to remind myself, on occassion, that i am not a machine. that i need to stop, to sleep and to replenish.
i know i'm stuck in the daily grind, that my job won't go away, so it seems natural for me to sacrifice the "fun" part of my life and also the "sleeping" part, in favor of trying to move myself out of the 9-5 world.
it is so motherfucking hard to slow my brain, heart and passion down. i have ideas inside of me that can go toe-to-toe with anything being vomited upon our culture right now, but i can't afford to feed myself while i create them. it's such a fucking compromise, the day job vs the passion.
i don't know if i'll be able to last a full year in the sign shop at my current position like i had planned. i am definitely going to last until october. i need to get completely out of debt and then take a look at my situation.
for starters, i need to prove to myself that i can take an idea from conception to completion, which i am intending to do with the comic i'm going to submit to the Small Press Expo.
if i can prove that to myself, if my work is well-received, if i am happy with it (which is way more important) then i may take a crazy shot. maybe save up the money and resources to take four months off my job and do a graphic novel.
i don't know what the right move is. i'd love to publish my magazine and then do the graphic novel through the publishing company as time allows, but i don't know how much time i have. how much time i can stay patient. there is something to be said for being disciplined and meticulous in ones planning, but there is also something to be said for having the courage to "break on through" in the words of master tsunetomo. a samurai moves forward with no fear. there is no hesitation, only the surge. this runs contrary to what master munenori says, which is to be calm and practiced and draw your opponent out.
ronald russel roach wrote and drew the 950 page story Armageddonquest in three-month increments. he'd work three months at a job, then take three months to work on the comic.
i think, i will hold tight for the summer. i want to work alot, save money for an apartment with thepants and get the comic done. then i will talk to my boss about this stuff and see what he thinks. maybe he would be ok with having me on and off for a year or two until i can get my publishing operation off the ground.
i just don't know. all i know is that i get up and fight every day. never give in, never give up.
and that's why it's so hard for me to settle down.
i can barely keep my eyes open. my movements are sluggish, when i breathe in too fast, i start coughing... and yet i refuse to lie down.
as if two days of sleeping will ruin my whole life and i'll never reach my goals.
it's hard to remind myself, on occassion, that i am not a machine. that i need to stop, to sleep and to replenish.
i know i'm stuck in the daily grind, that my job won't go away, so it seems natural for me to sacrifice the "fun" part of my life and also the "sleeping" part, in favor of trying to move myself out of the 9-5 world.
it is so motherfucking hard to slow my brain, heart and passion down. i have ideas inside of me that can go toe-to-toe with anything being vomited upon our culture right now, but i can't afford to feed myself while i create them. it's such a fucking compromise, the day job vs the passion.
i don't know if i'll be able to last a full year in the sign shop at my current position like i had planned. i am definitely going to last until october. i need to get completely out of debt and then take a look at my situation.
for starters, i need to prove to myself that i can take an idea from conception to completion, which i am intending to do with the comic i'm going to submit to the Small Press Expo.
if i can prove that to myself, if my work is well-received, if i am happy with it (which is way more important) then i may take a crazy shot. maybe save up the money and resources to take four months off my job and do a graphic novel.
i don't know what the right move is. i'd love to publish my magazine and then do the graphic novel through the publishing company as time allows, but i don't know how much time i have. how much time i can stay patient. there is something to be said for being disciplined and meticulous in ones planning, but there is also something to be said for having the courage to "break on through" in the words of master tsunetomo. a samurai moves forward with no fear. there is no hesitation, only the surge. this runs contrary to what master munenori says, which is to be calm and practiced and draw your opponent out.
ronald russel roach wrote and drew the 950 page story Armageddonquest in three-month increments. he'd work three months at a job, then take three months to work on the comic.
i think, i will hold tight for the summer. i want to work alot, save money for an apartment with thepants and get the comic done. then i will talk to my boss about this stuff and see what he thinks. maybe he would be ok with having me on and off for a year or two until i can get my publishing operation off the ground.
i just don't know. all i know is that i get up and fight every day. never give in, never give up.
and that's why it's so hard for me to settle down.
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this from the queen of "Doctors? What doctors? Sick day? I know not this 'sick day' of which you speak."
And you can eat it while watching the movie.