// muay thai kickboxing : night one //
so, my search for a new martial arts training destination may have ended last night with my first class at the sityodtong academy's USA branch. they teach muay thai kickboxing; a very brutal and time honored style of kickboxing that originated in thailand. muay thai is noted for its very high level of combat; specifically its fighters use of elbow and knee strikes, as well as a very vicious sweep-like round kick.
i was very pleased with almost everything my personal instructor rob said last night (almost all of it running contrary to what i was taught at the taekwondo school -- and he wasn't disparaging it either, rob has a blackbelt in taekwondo, he was just pointing out how inherently different the styles are).
some of my favorite things that rob said:
"when you throw this kick, your right hand guards your chin and your laugh hand comes down in a pumping motion, and you lean into the opponent... now, in taekwondo, you lean away from the opponent so you can score a point without getting hit... but this is muay thai, and who cares if you get hit!"
"now, i'm not saying your doing this, but if you want to impress any of the instructors here, then learn to do the moves right, don't try to impress us with speed and power -- any young guy is gonna have speed and power. i'm more concerned with seeing you learn how to do the movements."
(Note: at this point, i stopped trying to impress him with my speed and power and started learning how to use the techniques properly).
and, of course, my favorite quote, direct from their promotional materials about the ancient form of muay thai:
"The ancient art of muay thai, known as mae mai muay thai is too dangerous, therefore rules have been introduced to ensure the safety of the boxers. some of these rules include boxing gloves, weight classes, and rounds with time limits."
i am going to start training in muay thai on a regular basis come the second week of september. i already had a great deal of respect for the sheer ferocity and effectiveness of the style; but after training with them last night i am even more impressed. specifically, i found out that all muay thai is based on rhythm, very close to dance, traditional thai music is played in the gym so the fighters can match their body movements to the rhythm. also, i am feeling sore in muscle groups i did not know that i have and i think in just one hour with rob the personal instructor, my boxing skills have improved by about twenty-five percent.
// alien vs predator : what they did wrong //
so, first and foremost, to these scrutinizing artist/monster-geek eyes, the biggest mistake they made was creating a monster movie without the most important component of each monster: the artists who created them! in the credits of the movie, they list who created each monster, and of course, they list Dan O'Bannon and Ron Shustett (the talentless hacks who wrote the FIRST draft of Alien, which was later rewritten two or three times to include all of the things that made the movie good) and Jim and John Thomas (who wrote the Predator movies). Nowhere is credit given, to H.R. Giger and Stan Winston; who were responsible for actually creating and bringing life to two of the most interesting, bizarre, and meticulously crafted creatures of the late twentieth century.
Now, obviously, movies are a multiple-hands-in-the-pie craft and no one person can really take credit for the final product. However, in the case of movies like this, which are predominantly driven by a unique creature/antagonist, I think its safe to say that the person responsible for defining the look and attitude of the creature is more deserving of credit than the screenplay writer (especially in the case of Alien). For those who don't know, Dan O'Bannon and his ascot wearing bitch Ron Shustett were two unheard of hack writers who cobbled together a script for Alien and got it sold to a studio. The script was rewritten to add the first point of interest: making the people on the space ship into "space-truckers" and it was later given to three men who made the movie what is was: Ridley Scott (who made the lead character a female: Ripley, the second point of interest and who also drew an incredibly detailed set of story boards to get his budget DOUBLED so he could afford to make the movie as visually interesting as he wanted); Ron Cobb was the production designer in charge of desiging all of the human-crafted space ships (he also worked on all of the temples/castles in Conan the Barbarian) an extremely talented artist and craftsman; he used his skills as a professional engineer to make the space ships and all working parts in Alien seem dirty and well-used BELIEVABLE, i think Alien was the first movie to get away from the glossed-over sheen of all space sci-fi AND finally, H.R. Giger, the surrealist who was brought in to design the face-hugger (point of interest 3); the actual alien itself (he created the entire costume by hand; point of interest 4) and he also ended up doing the entire Alien space ship and sculpting and painting the "space jockey." Without these three people, there never would've been an Aliens, because Alien never would've got made, and Dan O'Bannon's ridiculous bow-tie-wearing ass wouldn't be all over the SE Alien DVD making comments about how brilliant his movie was. I fucking hate people like him, its almost embarrassing to listen to some of the ridiculous things he takes credit for.
As far as Predator I and II go, I know very little about the production. Both films were written by Jim and John Thomas, who are credited with creating the character. Their work after the Predators appears to be mostly studio oriented crap like: MISSION TO MARS, EXECUTIVE DECISION, and WILD WILD WEST. As writers, it meant they wrote the script and roughly defined the origins of the character (in the case of Predator: an alien who is a hunter). The creature itself was really given life by Stan Winston (credited in Predator as "creature effects" but he actually designed the entire character, from original sketch to finish) one of the greatest monster-makers in Hollywood history (some of Stan's creations: the Predator, the Alien Queen from Aliens, the monster from Leviathan, the monster from Monster Squad -- HA! -- as well as doing make-up for Edward Scissorhands and Terminator 1 and 2).
I can only assume that these men turned down the job outright, were never given the option of being credited by the studio, or had asked explicitly not to be credited as the original creators of each creature.
And, one final note on the talent pool ignored for Alien Vs Predator:
the directors of each series in the franchise:
Alien - Ridley Scott (Blade Runner,etc)
Aliens - James Cameron (Terminator,etc)
Alien 3 - David Fincher (Se7ven, Fight Club)
Alien: Resurrection - Jean-Pierre Jeunet (City of Lost Children, Amelie - HA!)
Predator - John McTiernan (Die Hard)
and who do they get to direct Alien vs Predator?
Paul W.S. Anderson : (Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat, his one lone impressive credit being Event Horizon, which was mostly just modern-horror filler with a good twist at the end -- and Sam Neil).
So, with all of that said about the creators responsible, here is my rundown of AVP:
1. the CGI aliens sucked. it would've been cheaper to hire a couple of good sculptors and make-up guys to create three or four costumes, and then to hire a director who understood his craft and was able to shoot them in shadows while using scenery, story, and music to create suspense in the brief glimpses where they were present.
2. the revamped, tougher/edgier predators were lame. their thighs were too big and their weapons, which were scary enough, were made to look sharper and scarier, but ended up looking like they would never work. they took what was a brilliant character design that could easily stand the test of time (go watch Predator I and tell me that thing doesn't still look bad ass) and they made it edgy for the year 2004. they should've just given him a moutain dew and drawn an "x" on his helmet for eXtreme! they do not run, they do not do jump-spinny matrix moves, they stalk! they are hunters! and when they fight, they stay on their feet and brawl like the heavily muscled - large framed monsters they are (see Predator I and II) they are humanoid, goddammit! this is why they are scary; because they are just like us, only bigger, tougher, relentless, and with crab mandibles!
3. the assertation that human civilization as we know it was started by the predators should be reason enough to execute O'Bannon, Shustett, and Anderson. as good of a concept of a knock-down, drag-out fight in a pyramid with humans stuck in the middle IS, this was a ridiculous idea. they should've spent another 10 minutes working on the plot and come up with something decent.
4. DO NOT SPEND 45 MINUTES INTRODUCING A CAST OF HUMAN CHARACTERS IF YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ALL BUT ONE IN THE FIRST HOUR OF THE MOVIE. shit, this is suspense 101 people. the only way this movie would worked, would be if they used the concept of a pyramid that shifts rooms every 10 minutes, to pit the Aliens vs Predators against one another in a series of small battles, with the poor humans trying not to get caught in the middle!
5. 3 Predators could obliterate up to 10 or 15 Aliens in single combat. Easily. The first two predators should not have been killed in the first encounter. That is ridiculous; the Aliens are not that tough. In Predator I, one predator takes out TWO entire special forces teams. In Aliens, one special forces team takes out an entire planet of Aliens, lets do the math here people! The deck was stacked unfairly against the Aliens, so they just figured fuck-it and made them tougher.
6. No way in hell should there have been a friendship between the woman and the Predator. I have never seen so many people laugh so hard at a movie in my whole life. I apologised to my girlfriend after the movie for it having been the first film she'd seen from either franchise, and she was all "really? i thought this movie was funny as hell, i had a great time." That is not the desired effect from a movie like this.
7. Lance Henriksen is cool. No matter what, he is always cool. And the bit in the beginning where he was playing the knife game with his fingers (like Bishop in Aliens) was cool too.
8. If you want to see a monster fight done right, rent Freddy vs Jason.
I think that is all that I have to say about this, fuck everyone who was involved with this movie. From the shitty character designs to the lame production designs to the piss-poor directing, this movie was a huge letdown and it does not deserve its place with the first 3 Alien movies or the 2 Predator movies.
Fuck everyone involved.
***
Sorry it took so long to do that review, I knew all of the words that were going to come out of it, and I just didn't feel like sitting down to write it. I feel a little better now though, like "I HAVE EXOR-CISED THE DEMONS!!!"
Hallelujah!
*** edited to add: does anyone know how i can get rid of these fucking ads? ***
so, my search for a new martial arts training destination may have ended last night with my first class at the sityodtong academy's USA branch. they teach muay thai kickboxing; a very brutal and time honored style of kickboxing that originated in thailand. muay thai is noted for its very high level of combat; specifically its fighters use of elbow and knee strikes, as well as a very vicious sweep-like round kick.
i was very pleased with almost everything my personal instructor rob said last night (almost all of it running contrary to what i was taught at the taekwondo school -- and he wasn't disparaging it either, rob has a blackbelt in taekwondo, he was just pointing out how inherently different the styles are).
some of my favorite things that rob said:
"when you throw this kick, your right hand guards your chin and your laugh hand comes down in a pumping motion, and you lean into the opponent... now, in taekwondo, you lean away from the opponent so you can score a point without getting hit... but this is muay thai, and who cares if you get hit!"
"now, i'm not saying your doing this, but if you want to impress any of the instructors here, then learn to do the moves right, don't try to impress us with speed and power -- any young guy is gonna have speed and power. i'm more concerned with seeing you learn how to do the movements."
(Note: at this point, i stopped trying to impress him with my speed and power and started learning how to use the techniques properly).
and, of course, my favorite quote, direct from their promotional materials about the ancient form of muay thai:
"The ancient art of muay thai, known as mae mai muay thai is too dangerous, therefore rules have been introduced to ensure the safety of the boxers. some of these rules include boxing gloves, weight classes, and rounds with time limits."
i am going to start training in muay thai on a regular basis come the second week of september. i already had a great deal of respect for the sheer ferocity and effectiveness of the style; but after training with them last night i am even more impressed. specifically, i found out that all muay thai is based on rhythm, very close to dance, traditional thai music is played in the gym so the fighters can match their body movements to the rhythm. also, i am feeling sore in muscle groups i did not know that i have and i think in just one hour with rob the personal instructor, my boxing skills have improved by about twenty-five percent.
// alien vs predator : what they did wrong //
so, first and foremost, to these scrutinizing artist/monster-geek eyes, the biggest mistake they made was creating a monster movie without the most important component of each monster: the artists who created them! in the credits of the movie, they list who created each monster, and of course, they list Dan O'Bannon and Ron Shustett (the talentless hacks who wrote the FIRST draft of Alien, which was later rewritten two or three times to include all of the things that made the movie good) and Jim and John Thomas (who wrote the Predator movies). Nowhere is credit given, to H.R. Giger and Stan Winston; who were responsible for actually creating and bringing life to two of the most interesting, bizarre, and meticulously crafted creatures of the late twentieth century.
Now, obviously, movies are a multiple-hands-in-the-pie craft and no one person can really take credit for the final product. However, in the case of movies like this, which are predominantly driven by a unique creature/antagonist, I think its safe to say that the person responsible for defining the look and attitude of the creature is more deserving of credit than the screenplay writer (especially in the case of Alien). For those who don't know, Dan O'Bannon and his ascot wearing bitch Ron Shustett were two unheard of hack writers who cobbled together a script for Alien and got it sold to a studio. The script was rewritten to add the first point of interest: making the people on the space ship into "space-truckers" and it was later given to three men who made the movie what is was: Ridley Scott (who made the lead character a female: Ripley, the second point of interest and who also drew an incredibly detailed set of story boards to get his budget DOUBLED so he could afford to make the movie as visually interesting as he wanted); Ron Cobb was the production designer in charge of desiging all of the human-crafted space ships (he also worked on all of the temples/castles in Conan the Barbarian) an extremely talented artist and craftsman; he used his skills as a professional engineer to make the space ships and all working parts in Alien seem dirty and well-used BELIEVABLE, i think Alien was the first movie to get away from the glossed-over sheen of all space sci-fi AND finally, H.R. Giger, the surrealist who was brought in to design the face-hugger (point of interest 3); the actual alien itself (he created the entire costume by hand; point of interest 4) and he also ended up doing the entire Alien space ship and sculpting and painting the "space jockey." Without these three people, there never would've been an Aliens, because Alien never would've got made, and Dan O'Bannon's ridiculous bow-tie-wearing ass wouldn't be all over the SE Alien DVD making comments about how brilliant his movie was. I fucking hate people like him, its almost embarrassing to listen to some of the ridiculous things he takes credit for.
As far as Predator I and II go, I know very little about the production. Both films were written by Jim and John Thomas, who are credited with creating the character. Their work after the Predators appears to be mostly studio oriented crap like: MISSION TO MARS, EXECUTIVE DECISION, and WILD WILD WEST. As writers, it meant they wrote the script and roughly defined the origins of the character (in the case of Predator: an alien who is a hunter). The creature itself was really given life by Stan Winston (credited in Predator as "creature effects" but he actually designed the entire character, from original sketch to finish) one of the greatest monster-makers in Hollywood history (some of Stan's creations: the Predator, the Alien Queen from Aliens, the monster from Leviathan, the monster from Monster Squad -- HA! -- as well as doing make-up for Edward Scissorhands and Terminator 1 and 2).
I can only assume that these men turned down the job outright, were never given the option of being credited by the studio, or had asked explicitly not to be credited as the original creators of each creature.
And, one final note on the talent pool ignored for Alien Vs Predator:
the directors of each series in the franchise:
Alien - Ridley Scott (Blade Runner,etc)
Aliens - James Cameron (Terminator,etc)
Alien 3 - David Fincher (Se7ven, Fight Club)
Alien: Resurrection - Jean-Pierre Jeunet (City of Lost Children, Amelie - HA!)
Predator - John McTiernan (Die Hard)
and who do they get to direct Alien vs Predator?
Paul W.S. Anderson : (Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat, his one lone impressive credit being Event Horizon, which was mostly just modern-horror filler with a good twist at the end -- and Sam Neil).
So, with all of that said about the creators responsible, here is my rundown of AVP:
1. the CGI aliens sucked. it would've been cheaper to hire a couple of good sculptors and make-up guys to create three or four costumes, and then to hire a director who understood his craft and was able to shoot them in shadows while using scenery, story, and music to create suspense in the brief glimpses where they were present.
2. the revamped, tougher/edgier predators were lame. their thighs were too big and their weapons, which were scary enough, were made to look sharper and scarier, but ended up looking like they would never work. they took what was a brilliant character design that could easily stand the test of time (go watch Predator I and tell me that thing doesn't still look bad ass) and they made it edgy for the year 2004. they should've just given him a moutain dew and drawn an "x" on his helmet for eXtreme! they do not run, they do not do jump-spinny matrix moves, they stalk! they are hunters! and when they fight, they stay on their feet and brawl like the heavily muscled - large framed monsters they are (see Predator I and II) they are humanoid, goddammit! this is why they are scary; because they are just like us, only bigger, tougher, relentless, and with crab mandibles!
3. the assertation that human civilization as we know it was started by the predators should be reason enough to execute O'Bannon, Shustett, and Anderson. as good of a concept of a knock-down, drag-out fight in a pyramid with humans stuck in the middle IS, this was a ridiculous idea. they should've spent another 10 minutes working on the plot and come up with something decent.
4. DO NOT SPEND 45 MINUTES INTRODUCING A CAST OF HUMAN CHARACTERS IF YOU ARE GOING TO KILL ALL BUT ONE IN THE FIRST HOUR OF THE MOVIE. shit, this is suspense 101 people. the only way this movie would worked, would be if they used the concept of a pyramid that shifts rooms every 10 minutes, to pit the Aliens vs Predators against one another in a series of small battles, with the poor humans trying not to get caught in the middle!
5. 3 Predators could obliterate up to 10 or 15 Aliens in single combat. Easily. The first two predators should not have been killed in the first encounter. That is ridiculous; the Aliens are not that tough. In Predator I, one predator takes out TWO entire special forces teams. In Aliens, one special forces team takes out an entire planet of Aliens, lets do the math here people! The deck was stacked unfairly against the Aliens, so they just figured fuck-it and made them tougher.
6. No way in hell should there have been a friendship between the woman and the Predator. I have never seen so many people laugh so hard at a movie in my whole life. I apologised to my girlfriend after the movie for it having been the first film she'd seen from either franchise, and she was all "really? i thought this movie was funny as hell, i had a great time." That is not the desired effect from a movie like this.
7. Lance Henriksen is cool. No matter what, he is always cool. And the bit in the beginning where he was playing the knife game with his fingers (like Bishop in Aliens) was cool too.
8. If you want to see a monster fight done right, rent Freddy vs Jason.
I think that is all that I have to say about this, fuck everyone who was involved with this movie. From the shitty character designs to the lame production designs to the piss-poor directing, this movie was a huge letdown and it does not deserve its place with the first 3 Alien movies or the 2 Predator movies.
Fuck everyone involved.
***
Sorry it took so long to do that review, I knew all of the words that were going to come out of it, and I just didn't feel like sitting down to write it. I feel a little better now though, like "I HAVE EXOR-CISED THE DEMONS!!!"
Hallelujah!
*** edited to add: does anyone know how i can get rid of these fucking ads? ***
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
Oh and Hi.