boundcreature

there is a song by alice in chains called "rain when i die." it is one of my all time favorite songs on one of my all time favorite albums (DIRT). i think DIRT is such the grunge album. it feels dirty and unclean. i think it truly defines that era of music. i find it very disconcerting that alice in chains inspired a great deal of weak imatators (that we are still not seeing the end of). bands like collective soul and creed and matchbox 20 took that early nineties grunge dirge, stripped away all of the emotion and made it quiet and clean. i heard two doofy cover band guys play an alice in chains song once (right after they played a lot of crap covers, like 3 doors down, matchbox 20, collective soul, and the creed bitches) and i wanted to kick their asses. it was one of the songs about kickin' heroin off of DIRT. the fuckers playing it were just top fortying it up. they had gel in their hair. also, they had wireless headsets and guitar amps, so they could walk around the bar and sing to people. i thought it was incredibly lame. but, i mean, i was there to see a christian ska band, so i guess i should've known what i had coming. now "down in a hole" is playing.

sand rains down and here i sit, holding rare flowers in a tomb...

i like that a lot of their lyrics can be really pretty, even though the content is really heavy and the music is really thick and dirty.

***

i had sushi tonight with my friend jacob. soft shell crab maki. and then some ice cream. i tasted jacobs cucumber ice cream and was pleasantly surprised.

last night and tonight were great nights. last night i went to see a rockabilly band in a townie bar in pawtucket, rhode island, then i went to a punk bar in providence, then i ended up getting one of the best cheeseburgers i have ever had in my life on a street corner at about 1:30 in the morning. all the while hanging out with this great... woman... would be the word, not girl, i guess. i am so attracted to her that its kinda silly. i'm a little nervous about where its going though. seems like its either friendship or seriousness. we'll see.

but, this is the life i have been wanting to be living for a very, very long time now. its just a matter of hard work and sweat until my career catches up to where i want it to be. sushi. cheeseburgers on corners. sitting in a bar with an "older" woman sipping a martini. dancing myself into exhaustion. cursing at my clients. talking to an endless stream of interesting people. realizing that most of my friends are incredibly cute girls...

i feel very much like an adult. i realized when jacob and i were walking to coolidge corner just how intense our topics of conversation were. for a little while, it wasn't jacob and jordan walking and talking about work... it was a graphic designer/web developer walking and talking with a software engineer/user-interface developer. i suddenly became very conscious of it all. i'm not a kid anymore. i'm not a teenager anymore. i'm not a young adult anymore. i'm 23 and living all by myself in the "big city." my life is happening all around me. the decisions i am making have implications. i am being what i want to be when i grow up...

anybody else getting any of this?

i'm okay with it all, its just the first time i've really thought about it is all.

this was a really intense week. thanks for all of the nice comments you guys left. especially thanks to gumbercules both for the comment and surprising me with an immediate dose of "Ich Bin Ein Auslander" when he saw me being bummed at the club. speaking of which, i finally got to meet granny and let me tell you, that girl is cute with a capital Q. we're talking 10 pounds of cute in a 5 pound bag.

extra special thanks also to a certain someone who listened to me bitch for two days and let me sleep in air conditioning when it was incredibly hot in my bedroom the last two nights. one day you will have a permanent partner in your bed and they will be a very, very lucky person.

i'm spending this weekend working on a self-promotional website to launch my freelance business. its going pretty good. its about 1000 times easier than planning an e-commerce spectacle like i was doing for the scooter store.

as per the last entry, i tried to talk things through with the client, but i hit a road block and finally ended up sending him an email that told him to go fuck himself. last night i had a message on my machine from him at 1am. he called me at 10am this morning, said he couldn't sleep, he was up working all night. he said he was gonna see how much money he could raise for me by the middle of this week.

i stood my ground.

i stood my ground.

it may still fall to pieces, but now he knows i mean business. he knows i'm not gonna bend over backwards to accommodate his company and his hopes and dreams. and i think he may finally realize that this is HIS company not mine and he needs to take a more active role in this fucking project.

if he can meet about 60-75% of the amount of money i asked for, i will try to cover the rest with freelance wages. i really want the project finished more than anything else in the world. losing 7 months of my work on a project that doesn't come to fruition really scared me. i was nervous and jittery at work all week because of it. i haven't felt right all week because i am so afraid of all of my planning, sketches, and big ideas going on a shelf never to be seen again.

i'm really, really tired right now, so i'm gonna get some sleep and hopefully i'll hit some of my more thought-out comments from my previous entry with some similarly thought-out replies.

remember: alice in chains kick ass.

good night kids, sleep safe.