bonezz

okay, this is my first SG blog,
I should have posted one earlier, but here we go,

Last night I had a complete mental breakdown, and this morning I woke up still crying but now throwing up stomach acid to go with it, yum yum!

My life at the moment is falling to shit, I have no idea who i'm, what i'm doing, where I want to be, who I want to be, who I want to be with, etc,
i'm ready to die at the age of 19 isn't that scary
'?

i'm constantly in battle with my self-image, i'm either starving myself, throwing up or gorging, where the healthy middle? what is it? how do I get to it? What is the perfect weight?
I hate what I see every time I look in the mirror, i'm actually sick of seeing my own face.

i'm contemplating suicide every day, for instance I was so miserable/distraught over nothing in particular last week that I nearly walked in front of a truck on my way to work... I never really knew what it was like to hate myself this much until now,
I have battled with manic depression since the age of 11, but now it really feels like I have hit rock bottom, and that there is no way I can crawl my way out of this grave..

i'm indulging in drugs that I should not, i'm drinking too much, i'm pushing away/hurting the people that care about me most, and i'm self destructing with useless males,

I really have no idea.

there is my whinge now enjoy, and I hope it makes you feel better about your life