bob_dobalina

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after much anticipation and a whole lot of wrestling with my own inpatience, i finally got to field test my fancy new paintball gun on saturday. i don't get many opportunities to say that $700 on my credit card was money well spent but--praise the lord and pass the biscuits--my new paintball gun is fucking bad ass! i'll try and spare you all the details but there is one scenario that deserves to be preserved in my own ego-inflated prose.

for those that don't know and bother to continue reading, paintball games are about 20 or 30 minutes in duration. two teams of equal number participants face off in either a capture the flag game or simple elimination. there's also a number of variations or combinations of the two. the scenario that i'm attempting to wax poetic about was a 30-on-30 game of capture the flag. the game starts with two teams on opposite sides of the field and ends when one team can capture the other's flag and carry it back to their point of origin or when time runs out. i'd say that more often than not, the games end in a draw when time runs out.

i rolled solo on saturday because none of the regular crew could make it out. bryan's mom was in town for the weekend, shady and augustine had work, trick needed to finish his dissertation, and shifty had law school finals to study for. paintball is very much a team-oriented sport and striking out by yourself will more often than not land you in a shit storm of .68 caliber paintballs. let's just say that it's important to have a few people watching your back and leave it at that.

the referees gave their 3-2-1 countdown and blew their whistles to open the game. i made my way to about the middle of the field before i started receive fire from the other team. i think they were being a little too bold by shooting at me without seeking cover because i was able to eliminate two very quickly before i put my head down and ran to my right for better cover from which i had a good angle to throw some paint. since i was no longer in a crossed-up position (being shot at from two or more spots) i was able to rip off about 150 rounds. if you're shooting or being shot at, you never want to stay in the same place for too long so i continued to advance until i reached the other team's side of the field and could see their flag.

stopping only to reload, i went against my own better judgement and charged the other team's defensive position and blasted three more suckaz in the goggles (woohoo for head shots!) before i grabbed their flag and ran like a bat outta hell. i could see paint fly past me and hear it break against barriers and obstacles i ran by but i didn't break stride until i reached my team's flag station to seal the victory. i don't think i had run that far that fast in years.

the game was called to a close by the refs and the shit-talking began in earnest. i can't imagine that anyone likes to be called out but that didn't stop me from letting the other team know that 1) they're a bunch of suckas for losing to just one person 2) it was me-mE-ME that blasted them and 3) they couldn't handle my metal face \m/ \m/

i know i'm making a big stinkin deal out of something of no consequence but there's nothing quite like knowing that in a competitive situation, at a certain moment of a certain day, i was better than someone. actually, in this case i was better than 30 someones. it feels kind of like a little more flavor has been added to life