just a few short days after returning to LA from the big porn show in vegas, i'm back on the road. my flight leaves LAX tomorrow morning and i'm flying out to florida to say my final goodbyes to my ailing godfather.
vegas was a resounding success and my reputation in the industry is stronger than ever but the lingering fatigue and the emotions i feel are dragging me down. i don't even remember the last time i shed a tear but right now i feel like a weepy pigtailed four year old in a pink dress that just skinned a knee.
our mutual appreciation of the three stooges was proof enough of our shared heritage despite the fact that he's irish catholic and i was raised korean protestant. this is the man who taught me how to catch fish in the depths of the gulf of mexico. he taught me how to play blackjack and to never split a winning hand. he wowed me with his stories of dropping bombs over nazi germany and flying spy planes over north korea. he taught me to be a gentleman and how to fight (never start, always finish).
i suppose its best that i work this stuff out here and now. i need to be able to put on my regular stoic face for my grammy as its got to be even harder on her. the optimist in me says that i have the opportunity that many others dream of. when you find yourself wishing that you had that one last chance to see someone before they depart you know its far too late. that rare chance now belongs to me. how do you say goodbye to someone that's not supposed to leave?
jesusfuckinchrist it just got real dusty in here.
vegas was a resounding success and my reputation in the industry is stronger than ever but the lingering fatigue and the emotions i feel are dragging me down. i don't even remember the last time i shed a tear but right now i feel like a weepy pigtailed four year old in a pink dress that just skinned a knee.
our mutual appreciation of the three stooges was proof enough of our shared heritage despite the fact that he's irish catholic and i was raised korean protestant. this is the man who taught me how to catch fish in the depths of the gulf of mexico. he taught me how to play blackjack and to never split a winning hand. he wowed me with his stories of dropping bombs over nazi germany and flying spy planes over north korea. he taught me to be a gentleman and how to fight (never start, always finish).
i suppose its best that i work this stuff out here and now. i need to be able to put on my regular stoic face for my grammy as its got to be even harder on her. the optimist in me says that i have the opportunity that many others dream of. when you find yourself wishing that you had that one last chance to see someone before they depart you know its far too late. that rare chance now belongs to me. how do you say goodbye to someone that's not supposed to leave?
jesusfuckinchrist it just got real dusty in here.
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I think about mortality all the time and I honestly don't know what to make of it except that it's inevitable. You are giving your godfather the best thing he could have right now; your presence at the end of the road.
I'm always around if you need to talk, surf, or just get stoned.