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blueyedemon

The Emerald Triangle, Cali

Member Since 2008

Followers 102 Following 138

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Saturday Oct 01, 2011

Sep 30, 2011
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I went flat-line on the floor before the ambulance arrived. They pumped at my chest, shoved a breathing tube down my throat, stuck a catheter up my dick. Wheeled me to the ICU. Resuscitated and stomach pumped all the meds out of my gut. A plethora of tubes sticking into my arms, a myriad IV's. I come to with my entire family standing around me staring at me with rapt attention. I give them a smile because I feel strangely awkward on my death-bed/life-bed.
Immediately 5150'ed. Knew that was coming. Took a 2 1/2 hr drive in the back of a non-sirening ambulance driving at normal speeds. Sent to psych ward because of my little stunt. Make it through my three days, but get 5250'ed. Damn. 2 more weeks in that hell-hole. Luckily get out a little early with good behavior and being a good boy and taking every cocktail of meds they give me to 'stabilize me'.
Got home this evening. Exhaustion - emotional, physical, and psychological.
I am no longer afraid of death, nor dying. There is no bright light. No tunnel. No pearly gates. No family waiting. No out of body experience. Nothing but darkness, utter and complete. And yet so peaceful and serene within. The weight of the world off your shoulders. Restful sleep...
Yet here I am, and I continue to write words across the interwebz in this plane of existence. What a trip Life & Death is.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
alkaline:
No, I dont think its about being the BEST at anything. Just about being GOOD at SOMETHING, you know. I hang out with all these people that are photographers, artists, musicians, chefs, writers, etc. And I don't feel like I can turn to anything and be like, oh yeah, thats me. I'm just always trying things out to try to find my thing.
If Im gonna go down the spiral of depression, its gonna happen whether I'm being a perfectionist or not, lemme tell ya.
Oct 9, 2011
zebrah:
NO! because im broke but trust me if i had the money i would soooooo buy one! ive heard such good thing i want one soooooooo bad!!!!!! its nice to meet you as well hapy were friends =)
Oct 9, 2011

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