bluestreak

what a night.

i was up for many hours yesterday when a person on anothre bulletin board was threatening to kill herself. she seems lovely, but so lonely and so sick and tired of being depressed that she just wants to get it out of the way and die. i felt so useless, just keeping her talk and trying to calm me down. but i'm no good at small talk. fortunately some others showed up and took good cop duties and a moderater logged her IP and ISP details so we could contact the emergency services.

this is the second time in a week tha i've sat up nursing a potential suicide on the internet. maybe i should get some real training. i guess as a survivor of depression i feel the urge to help others survive it. at the very least its karmic innit... perhaps when i'm there someone else might help me. but it's more than that. suicide is a fucking shitty thing to do.... to allow yourself to be so beaten by your own serotonin levels and the world that you murder yourself. hideous. but i've been at that point too many times, too many fucking times. and i've always been to strong / weak / cowardly / brave to actually do it and i won't let anyone else do it... not on my watch!

today i'm tired though, and i missed a lunch appointment with my friend cos i overslept.

three more sleeps till new york! i believe the geek speak expression is w00t!