There's this boy, and he vibrates way faster than he should. You see, he's pretty young, but he's still out of it. He's pretty sure he's completely missed out on life. He'd like to see the beauty in it, and to revel in just letting things be, but he can't. He'd like to say he's a buddhist, but he's not, because he can't escape change no matter how hard he tries. He knows that every time he opens his eyes, eventually he'll have to close them again, and that'll leave him on the floor, trembling and denouncing his own birth. If he kills himself, he's kind of scared he'll just be born as someone else and have to do it all again, but some days it doesn't seem so bad considering he could be reborn with a sense of balance.
People put him through the ringer alot. It's pretty unfortunate, because he still loves those people more than anyone else. Their lives aren't exciting, but they're a bit more than normal, and that's all he wishes he could be. He's got quite a shell, but recently he's started to come out of it. He knows he can't succeed with the people he'd like to because of a painful lack of experience, and it provides him day and night with a terrible, inadequate feeling.
He's racing towards a finish line that doesn't exist, although for a short while he realized how absurd it was. Something grabbed him over the holidays, and he's started to compare his own life to the lives of others. A pretty big error.
He was doing fine for awhile, but now he's relapsed.
People put him through the ringer alot. It's pretty unfortunate, because he still loves those people more than anyone else. Their lives aren't exciting, but they're a bit more than normal, and that's all he wishes he could be. He's got quite a shell, but recently he's started to come out of it. He knows he can't succeed with the people he'd like to because of a painful lack of experience, and it provides him day and night with a terrible, inadequate feeling.
He's racing towards a finish line that doesn't exist, although for a short while he realized how absurd it was. Something grabbed him over the holidays, and he's started to compare his own life to the lives of others. A pretty big error.
He was doing fine for awhile, but now he's relapsed.
My counsellor explained that its a futile exercise, as you dont have the life, feelings, experiences of other people - you have your feelings and experiences. Your emotions are just as valid as the next persons. A comparison of your life to others is not fair on the basis that you are not them.
I wish there was something I could say that was more profound. I'm sorry this is continuing for you. I only have a short insight into how this can feel.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this in person?
Lots of love x x x