bj

where do i start? what a terrible mess i have made. i have succeeded in hurting and betraying the person that i love the most in this world. i made some very bad choices the past few months, some of which have caused unrepairable damage. i lied to my best friend....too many times. she can no longer trust me, for which i do not blame her. i have made things public that should have been kept private. i am disgusted with myself. i cannot change the things that have happened, and although i would like to be able to move forward, i seem to only mess things up more and more. i am unbelievable sorry for the pain i have caused her, and it seems like no matter how many times i say that, it makes no difference. i fucked things up too far. i may have even lost her as a friend which makes me truly truly sad. i am sorry. i'm sorry i hurt you, i'm sorry i lied to you, i'm sorry i cannot be what you want me to be. i'm only writing this for you, because i know you will read it.....i'm not writing it for anyone else.....i love you, and i'm eternally sorry...this is my final entry.